@apricotica's (Adrien) recently faved Tweets...
I really wonder about those people who post photos of other folks' babies as their Facebook profile pictures.
12
Apparently, the sound of my ass getting smacked wakes up my child. This will undoubtedly be helpful in the mornings once she starts school.
Couldn't find my push-up bra so I'm wearing my hiccup bra. It makes my bosom sort of heave every few seconds.
Canard is French for "duck", but I've found if you yell it at a French person they'll reliably fail to maneuver such that they avoid impact.
I never get Event Invitations on Facebook for anything that's near my city. & I will not travel 3000 miles to see you sing in a bar on Tues.
Spring cometh. The flaky white dandruff of winter shall give way little by little to the granular yellow dandruff of summer. So mote it be.
Sex as explained to me by a friend when I was 3: a boy takes you in the bathroom, kisses you, spanks you & then puts PEANUTS in your vagina.
Snorting rails of baby laxative off the ass of a blow-up doll because I read a very convincing article recently about the placebo effect.
This sign is in the restroom of my favorite Malaysian restaurant. I notice it's in English. http://twitpic.com/15ri7a
5
It may smell like sex and candy now, but if you used actual candy it's probably gonna smell like yeast before long.
YES it's unethical to give your kid a "Benadryl holiday" so you can nail your man all weekend without interruption. But it's allergy season.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar