My adductors wish to murder

RESPOND TO MY SEXTS YOU BUTTFACE

I have exactly $3.17 to my name, but I'm happy. It's funny how that works.

summer, for me, means waking up at 5:30 every morning.

I only really have three vices: wine, cheese and inopportune panic attacks.

Going to the doctor to confirm how totally sane and totally healthy I am lol

If you don't like the situation you're in, remove yourself from it

global warming i guess pic.twitter.com/xxYOUFy9qV

today i'm going to blame my lackluster tan and everything else on global warming

@april_mclean LOL it's the fucking WORST.

The cool thing about a 3 and a half hour statistics class is it gives you plenty of time to decide exactly how to kill yourself.

Can't believe there are still people in this world who oppose marriage equality and/or don't follow me.

Anyone who poops in a swimming pool is obviously doing it on a dare so it's ok.

We live in a society that makes us feel guilty for staying home with our sick children or because we're sick ourselves.

 http://ow.ly/i/29ApL  @april_mclean

Sexiest thing a guy ever said to me? "You don't have to go home tonight."

I was convinced that I had talked to my friend and then shamefully realized I had only just "liked" one of her Instagram pictures.

While I support Kanye's need to express himself artistically, sometimes I just want a good beat I can dance to and not be frightened.

"Taylor Swift sounds so great live." -Said no one ever.

Putting Gangnam Style in the rap category is disgraceful. Shame on everyone. #BillboardAwards