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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,114
    • FAVS
    mdfashhanAnonymousJoyCoiaNYLetdownLizzieItsBenElliotthellominamoothedennissmithConnOakley
    • 1,469
    • RETWEETS
    laina_goldwinldotvictorLetdownLizzieChips_and_Solsarauleduardo85DonDTinkerbelltheashystertk_wall
    greenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 1,694
    • FAVS
    EraneeFsavie_ceeVivSmith24xandra85chipsandcreamslawley_matthewjalynnepooTickle_Me_Alex
    • 946
    • RETWEETS
    JNielssLoremIpsum00snar_snarsuperchumpsofiaagarciaaaangelaroarrrh0rrorwhoreBlawawawa
    loveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 1,847
    • FAVS
    iGreenMonkLetdownLizziekay_breezusMrSugarpants1jasonshipp1sass_n_assWhatevaConcmerrilldavis
    • 717
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieraksOsuchkay_breezussass_n_assWhatevaConcafckinggrownupItsamandaboucheThatOldFellow__
    StellaRtwot
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 946
    • FAVS
    iGreenMonkLetdownLizzieRtodaizHsass_n_assSam_Alan33DBwiddaDBfrwxobalfiICountBeanss
    • 887
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziesass_n_assacme01DBwiddaDBbradyd82AnnaroseWynneRyanMcKnastyMrsCiolli
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 980
    • FAVS
    nocturnallymeiGreenMonkLetdownLizziesass_n_assthe_gremlinsMollyBuhlerSam_Alan33brimaguire
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickinthebackbradley_olsen
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 720
    • FAVS
    KameronOLearyRanWeasleyEvanOLearyMilase_kkleinereklemViagraOverdosesjoedan2010sblowes
    • 529
    • RETWEETS
    gvozdinskyClaireIngrahamEvanOLearyjoedan2010ChristopherHoagRobot_DaveLeboza33richmanMSU
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 700
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizziemarvelousCaradrescalenellshaxbriennevenidosJacobbWombleget_hanneredalexk_6
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    kacikinnettdrescaleWhosBingjazzjavajoyBenRSheldon_Omnia_Ayy_Deemeebshereuuhhlyse
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 818
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieleeelorjessica8035BethanyD873sass_n_asskayytiniWhatevaConcTheCoachCline
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziektweedelsass_n_assWhatevaConcDBwiddaDBsesrestesMaxBirdseySchusterJane
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 638
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgoGabbySafaICountBeanssJuliaEveHaysMrNickCallas
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 633
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_maebemarblessadboobpyncheon
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimMonte10DBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 520
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuzaeblanchardMeganStaceyEllieTee44kylebaker
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509rachelboughton3vanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've never paid attention to a scene with a dead body in it because I like to see if I can catch the actor breathing.

    • 554
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzie2013MissMTlivvylilacfluestertoeneMelinaHartwigSaraahnaguibtiffanysBCTittysFeelgood
    • 180
    • RETWEETS
    TheTessaDeeSimoneLeMondtiffanysBCPMTSusannakeepnaggingCrinasClosetjuliantifflor30KatLeppek
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Because in the past 3 days I've thought of at least 20 personal experiences I could've tweeted about but was too embarrassed to #YesAllWomen

    • 463
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMaidenStephanieGingerAlexis93JordangroeeeJohnJFruscianteBri_IsTheLightkaileedoherty16lacefaceyeah
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    amanidoknowkristinpuhlali_winslowthesasspandala_nobiliskreecuthbertEriBerri121TurnthePagina
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    BREAKING: my high school acquaintance is grateful for her amazing hubby

    • 452
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieRyanSwift2fgboofsass_n_assemilyapybuslawblobDBwiddaDBjoanofdarkness
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    sass_n_asschangesqnptbingorazerllkickflipguySineadwithaFadaheathermcrobieBeallLydia
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 436
    • FAVS
    PatrickZircherginrunnerKhanYaDigIts0m4hKatp04ashleycremEvanOLearyoliviaads
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    deborah_tweetedreefergyratorkenne_lydjreefersharkwarmyellowlightchristinawilderBasileSampsonsnarrrrrrr
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    So, is there a MR Paint?

    • 464
    • FAVS
    SetsugamiJoshGaidendougdrieseljrangryl0lrusRobHunterswordsinstasquidLetdownLizzieSamGrittner
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyAlexRoberts88DouglasAngleHearyehearyeeZWMartinBlakeMDavisyourockmysockAridVoids
    greenteam15AdamOfEarthrobfee
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Iris, do I have dyslexia?

    • 470
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieDBwiddaDBRaulJustinianodammitbabies__albedoagreenteam15teenbitch666SidneyPritch
    • 162
    • RETWEETS
    DBwiddaDBRaulJustinianoSidneyPritchhatehugthemarninatorscottreynolds11Speak_Evilgegtik
    Molly_KatsSquirreljustice
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Special K diet:
    1. Bowl of cereal for breakfast
    2. Bowl of cereal for lunch
    3. Sensible dinner
    4. Murder everyone

    • 316
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizziestevetwarnerDBwiddaDBbradyd82sgtpd75ligonlawSaraThomas84_ILLTECH
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    stevetwarnerligonlaw_ILLTECHj6taintedloveCelebrityChezSadFaceOtterAndrewMcKay11SuziesUniverse__
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    1993 Life Goal: to be rich and famous

    2003 Life Goal: to be financially secure and well-known

    2013 Life Goal: to own a washing machine

    • 396
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieKaffrynThomasVirtualRVSerenaPaulson4MaulkingTheWoodenslurpyericgegpinupteacher
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziepostfolkrockh_hotspringsTonireaTalbertrossgentilecoontzdellenburgQuicksilwr
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    When in doubt, just know that nobody knows anything or has any idea what they're doing.

    • 386
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizziedebradanacaylaadavis6kmart808ZEROFACESschnydiddysoonerick76Maggie_Farrell
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    debradanaMaggie_FarrellMrsPythagorasCamel_CrushinClaireHannon31gaycouchhollymoscaalsage36
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.