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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,983
    • FAVS
    SteveDutzyDanielCroshawRememberTheMEmdob11savvystewNiall_Gaffblitemanumbrellajane
    • 1,840
    • RETWEETS
    Kokanindjascronk67sanchezjohnnypatrykEgicalamahogany_xoxgrandmablazer_realslimgradyPapercutFiles
    stockejockgreenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 2,868
    • FAVS
    kerpderpinnocent_bitch_MiddleageMitsmetrbtipseybartenderdammit_d4vecaymanchessCandyTripComic
    • 1,443
    • RETWEETS
    MiddleageMitsmetrbtipseybartenderfilmworm85NickHilll1SteelCityDawnAstroKidAronamberlights__
    UNTRESORloveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 2,362
    • FAVS
    cshepsaphantomdukeRBUASAmburglar_krndowlingPT_Swagbag93luckyswellStephenDiazzz
    • 937
    • RETWEETS
    aphantomdukeDayseDSpread_Eagle_17thestorferAOLdotTomjay_jdavisangelphishFullDopeAlchemy
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / you are not responsible for the choices my husband makes

    • 1,927
    • FAVS
    anyagracenicfit75WittyHendrixready_SETTE_COLeahjsadeshaunmwormVexenRiversBitingPanda
    • 1,268
    • RETWEETS
    I_Loves_MeKittyBitingPandaSteelCityDawnCallMeDraperGelasticGoGoKRodriguez81thisisuppityminnie_in_pink7
    mdob11
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 2,199
    • FAVS
    Hodge_BethADavidGambleamaxeusMissmacguffheatlebjornMobiusCripFrustrateMyLovenoahcornog
    • 892
    • RETWEETS
    Hodge_BethADavidGamblejajajajannyFrustrateMyLoveUSERNAMEALLIEMusicfedsoul__bikinikillzlehruuuh
    BlackCheesePiekDuncanG
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Parents' houses: where 8pm feels like midnight.

    • 2,110
    • FAVS
    chipsandcreamsOCMartyxI_AN0NYM0U5_Ixmathewbyoungmikewaldron115cesia_beltranSimoniousPunk_ashval
    • 869
    • RETWEETS
    mathewbyoungmikewaldron115mary_calm_nowsabbyfishafasbindLevasseurTylerconnorbatman23yallerhon
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.

    • 1,902
    • FAVS
    kiralcMadelineGuineeJaneErroramandoocommandociaraabrewerMarie_AntoiNOTAustinCBrookkkelllsss
    • 818
    • RETWEETS
    JaneErrordenverbellethe_andywattsMarie_AntoiNOTAliiiCaaatABunchOfOlivesMaddybonfiglio3AlexAlsvaldes
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 1,285
    • FAVS
    carlosavch4TheLoveOfGrubfilmworm85davestitesskernn23ready_SETTE_COEmpressChandracaymanchess
    • 1,064
    • RETWEETS
    kikibunny_davestitesB_Festanizaam325EwWood13RattleTheStars4suzygeigerSteelCityDawn
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    We don't like catcalling.
    BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED--
    We don't like catcalling.
    LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
    We don't like catcalling.
    OKAY BUT--

    • 1,056
    • FAVS
    kksmith8598curiousteejDonna_McCoyMilase_kmyglazedfaceHebatheawesomeEwItsBerkeleynrulason
    • 705
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoyrealsarahbaxterTori_DuffinTBeckhusenkatierenee88LZ_BrianneAmandaPflaumerbobbinsleak
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 1,125
    • FAVS
    melibuffKimchiBreatherin_gwynnAwalGengkathlikskoolgrlPaigeShrewsburywizardofwoz1seethingwithjoy
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    KimchiBreathmidnitesocGongShowJayfaarwaTungstenKneecapfaccianobig_corcCaseyjazz122
    WhatevaConc
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 986
    • FAVS
    sanchezjohnnyBownuggetsmyglazedfaceGreeblehausHrBrystockejockredherringbearnocturnallyme
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    sanchezjohnnynocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickintheback
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 746
    • FAVS
    sanchezjohnnymyglazedfaceEsteCanIHrBrystockejockjasgrenyoyohanotoriousPOB
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    sanchezjohnnysschu22739phoebeluheckchuckmanhdr_ricCaressLeporedanielpmcdermotgvozdinsky
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 709
    • FAVS
    Donna_McCoysanchezjohnnyneophilAyahjackofffrosttmyglazedfaceRachel_Matthewsmaddykuperfranke_my_dear__
    • 456
    • RETWEETS
    kellyvdatrilamesupremesanchezjohnnymaurocp95FowldozerMariana_Legaspitweetswithemilymaddykuper
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Hey commercials, thanks anyway but we're poor.

    • 718
    • FAVS
    Ashleyx7812Niall_GaffdariuusJannabugKaydee_CarrLachys_no1_fanbjschmstacijanik
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    PrestonJacobson__dariuusHamdanRizviBroken_BroaddebobanrjRay_Gun007maurieb82GriffinShamara
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    myglazedfaceGreeblehausstockejockyoyohaLetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgo
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    It's New Year's Eve! Headed to Times Square? Here's my advice:

    1. No
    2. Do not go there
    3. What are you doing
    4. Go somewhere else
    5. Stop

    • 603
    • FAVS
    calacaserenadelavandshirleyrobbykarol___asholeaaydohhudsonhongohopeful_mdTNtales
    • 420
    • RETWEETS
    austynp5yeshstupidchickenDaveCZombielysergicgrafitiErinJewkes409WMarketYourComicMuse
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Weird how people in depression medication commercials are looking out windows, not at twitter.

    • 697
    • FAVS
    zach_stewart00georgeduff1957TDeeRockagardendrownedShoot2kill08ravi_sinhaaivy_chai8BromanConsul
    • 260
    • RETWEETS
    boneworthagardendrownedmjmztunechiravi_sinhaaAweShadySomeivy_chai8kelseybunerrrnah
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 636
    • FAVS
    myglazedfaceHrBryyoyohaLetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimmyMonteDBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 524
    • FAVS
    BownuggetsmyglazedfaceGreeblehausyoyohaLetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuz
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509twopennytrashvanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Robin Williams' impression of a hot dog is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. pic.twitter.com/efu9wu4CJG

    • 469
    • FAVS
    TheTeenTitans__abigorosito1NicolasRezzano1fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQKortnieCat101itsKimMichelleTonySwitzer
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQTonySwitzerMeghanAngeliniGracelbloomRobeana123Kaydiz_SidKortis
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.

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