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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,980
    • FAVS
    13spencercalvinmonty23kateshawnelsonEliDollarzMrValeriaAlbawjobaaselrodsabuktgeen
    • 1,840
    • RETWEETS
    MrValeriaAlbasarikaapplehemantbuchNeon_DragonBowbrownyogaplantsSoapboxArmySabuwandi
    stockejockgreenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 2,285
    • FAVS
    BoomRoasted6Timmsmiffjennifersnudesazhbenjohnnemannkayyteakinnsisolated_ambivtravisnorris
    • 1,196
    • RETWEETS
    FartzAndBonerzHypnosTheGodunwomanLucasIannitellinevesytrofMortuaryReportalphaminkgelilasucks
    UNTRESORloveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 2,121
    • FAVS
    13spencerToxicProbablyyouknowstewH_L_MAAbbyCopBasedLeMalliKanneerikaheidewald
    • 844
    • RETWEETS
    meruplsibimlawSirTiptonTheMaseFaceDesanmithetobbiertserikaheidewaldchristreilly
    kDuncanG
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 2,022
    • FAVS
    SpennyP2noah_webstaraj2k3txmasturkayceeJust_Jakeingrehaugemmap_2016TommyMac29
    • 807
    • RETWEETS
    aj2k3txJust_JakeingrehaugRahmah_Beanie_kevinmiller_Gritsandtoastwayno_af007GeneJarman
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 1,250
    • FAVS
    OutofmyIndyheadTheSolClarkeDrTGeldenhuysReticentTurnipgreen_eyed_dollTheMiddleClashjkrambleskelkulus
    • 1,055
    • RETWEETS
    DrTGeldenhuystomwicks92NickC46krishna_vanGnobrinA_Bike_GuybluetunedStacyA600
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.

    • 1,556
    • FAVS
    whiskeysoakingbrittavellianpockybotztwinklstarchildciarandowneydjdodrugskaegenodonnellryannwhitely
    • 681
    • RETWEETS
    kleemartqueenofthechillSafiyaxox_heathennfantaasea_illuminatalie_MADBLACKTHOTBlunderingIdiom
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    We don't like catcalling.
    BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED--
    We don't like catcalling.
    LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
    We don't like catcalling.
    OKAY BUT--

    • 1,055
    • FAVS
    Milase_kmydirtycastleHebatheawesomeEwItsBerkeleynrulasonnayomirFBIOfficalSoulGloProject
    • 704
    • RETWEETS
    realsarahbaxterTori_DuffinTBeckhusenkatierenee88LZ_BrianneAmandaPflaumerbobbinsleakFrizFrizzle
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / you are not responsible for the choices my husband makes

    • 943
    • FAVS
    mydirtycastlewhereisraissallvvzzcm_kieffergemmaofficialmadisonemacleodTessMcGourtyElsie_Moo
    • 688
    • RETWEETS
    laceydaisyknitsoh_nein_katyarnold76coiledspringpodVorchNndezNadineTharwatKristenShuckclockworkcat7
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 981
    • FAVS
    krishna_vanBownuggetsdivadeb99mydirtycastlePixelatedL0veStacyA600The_Gnar24speknyc
    • 337
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vandivadeb99mydirtycastleStacyA600hewasntrobderozKendra130mestarr18
    WhatevaConc
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 986
    • FAVS
    BownuggetsmydirtycastleGreeblehausHrBrystockejockredherringbearnocturnallymeiGreenMonk
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickinthebackbradley_olsen
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 746
    • FAVS
    mydirtycastleEsteCanIHrBrystockejockjasgrenyoyohanotoriousPOBepicaricacist
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    sschu22739phoebeluheckchuckmanhdr_ricCaressLeporedanielpmcdermotgvozdinskythedailybrood
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 707
    • FAVS
    jackofffrosttmydirtycastleRachel_Matthewsmaddykuperfranke_my_dearlehmKJSaadCeesdoingqigong
    • 456
    • RETWEETS
    maurocp95FowldozerMariana_LegaspitweetswithemilymaddykuperFryx0rSaadCeesSlimJimJill
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Hey commercials, thanks anyway but we're poor.

    • 717
    • FAVS
    bjschmstacijanikBownuggetsskaisteamethystPinkCustard75Broken_Broaddebobanrjsmokeymccheefo
    • 319
    • RETWEETS
    HamdanRizviBroken_BroaddebobanrjRay_Gun007maurieb82GriffinShamaramydirtycastlealiengirl1994
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    mydirtycastleGreeblehausstockejockyoyohaLetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgo
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Weird how people in depression medication commercials are looking out windows, not at twitter.

    • 692
    • FAVS
    saluki008cluebucketPetiteRainCitymiss_foofoomydirtycastleOrfaaliciadenMEelleidntknwwhtwtris
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    miss_foofoomydirtycastleAliceTasmanw0dloganbryondesideratasaurBOYTWEETSWORLDXBumSwagginIt
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 636
    • FAVS
    mydirtycastleHrBryyoyohaLetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimmyMonteDBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 524
    • FAVS
    BownuggetsmydirtycastleGreeblehausyoyohaLetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuz
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509rachelboughton3vanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Robin Williams' impression of a hot dog is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. pic.twitter.com/efu9wu4CJG

    • 469
    • FAVS
    TheTeenTitans__abigorosito1NicolasRezzano1fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQKortnieCat101kimichelle16TonySwitzer
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQTonySwitzerMeghanAngeliniGracelbloomRobeana123Kaydiz_SidKortis
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    "Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry PRESENTS!" -Tyler Perry having fun on Christmas morning

    • 477
    • FAVS
    JesseRandallColinization_L_Elizabeth_KthepalmcivetSendzerpauleedhamWarriors0456notbenten
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    Sendzerquinn_francesTori_DuffinDjango_Chutneyd_s_gomerchrisponziotherealindztodayiwatched
    Ristolable
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've never paid attention to a scene with a dead body in it because I like to see if I can catch the actor breathing.

    • 559
    • FAVS
    mydirtycastleliamccajo_OliusGreeblehausHrBryradicaljocyLetdownLizzie2013MissMT
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    mydirtycastleTheTessaDeeSimoneLeMondtiffanysBCSGriffithTalentkeepnaggingCrinasClosetjuliantifflor30
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.