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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,522
    • FAVS
    blackhawknoirShelbinator_82shewillbloveddWarbraindrewDevin_QuinnimjackiedanielsSam_PacosJamieJal
    • 1,624
    • RETWEETS
    blackhawknoirTSwisha12jessicahikesGoshJoshhhhiancrosssthebigG_69GeauxPatsItsRaniii
    stockejockgreenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 1,697
    • FAVS
    HrBrystockejockyoyohaEraneeFsavie_ceeVivSmith24xandra85chipsandcreams
    • 947
    • RETWEETS
    JNielssLoremIpsum00snar_snarsuperchumpsofisagarcia_angelaroarrrh0rrorwhoreBlawawawa
    loveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 1,853
    • FAVS
    EsteCanIHrBrystockejockyoyohaKerfuckusradicaljocyiGreenMonkLetdownLizzie
    • 717
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieraksOsuchkay_breezussass_n_assWhatevaConcafckinggrownupItsamandaboucheThatOldFellow
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 1,824
    • FAVS
    SenAmandaLoveBreytonGoodeTateRyannsarahmarjsmithSkeenepillBrangleznicfit75ThatDangIndian
    • 735
    • RETWEETS
    ShidaTM04schmidtshmatSenAmandaLovemagarikaberriesnbearsxrayngocokelusionmeerrium
    kDuncanG
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 1,237
    • FAVS
    glhaynespsmerdobluesymoodskelseyhighamallisoncreadmarinhubkacrayonixrwggomes
    • 1,044
    • RETWEETS
    _kiaraloveibgeronimorobderozrwggomesKendra130lindseylouwhoPatrickRSebancBryan__Davila
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.

    • 1,298
    • FAVS
    PeteECochranefindmydollscarlykenAnemoneOhjerryRenekshutupmikeginnStymieBrewercogentanalysis
    • 571
    • RETWEETS
    StymieBrewerfavstar1000favsTEENSLUT666thefiendishdrwulanyardiganjackellatoShobananaChloeCatherine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / you are not responsible for the choices my husband makes

    • 942
    • FAVS
    llvvzzcm_kieffergemmaofficialmadisonemacleodTessMcGourtyElsie_MooTerinTalaricoMacCommaR
    • 688
    • RETWEETS
    katyarnold76coiledspringpodVorchNndezNadineTharwatKristenShuckclockworkcat7unidefcorpsmasidho
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 969
    • FAVS
    llvvzzhstweetheartbluesymoodschancellorlizCodyXIVEsteCanIsullinator5rwggomes
    • 333
    • RETWEETS
    robderozKendra130mestarr18boyohboyssandyjreesedejanaajoshesantillanlizette_louw
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 983
    • FAVS
    HrBrystockejockredherringbearnocturnallymeiGreenMonkLetdownLizziesass_n_assthe_gremlins
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickinthebackbradley_olsen
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 745
    • FAVS
    EsteCanIHrBrystockejockjasgrenyoyohanotoriousPOBsluttybratreningsvrak
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    sschu22739phoebeluheckchuckmanhdr_ricCaressLeporedanielpmcdermotgvozdinskyClaireIngraham
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    HrBrystockejockyoyoha_christina23_Plan_BX2LetdownLizziemarvelousCaradrescale
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    DLenshekkacikinnettdrescaleWhosBingjazzjavajoyBenRSheldon_Omnia_Ayy_Deemeebshere
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 640
    • FAVS
    stockejockyoyohaLetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgoGabbySafaICountBeanss
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Weird how people in depression medication commercials are looking out windows, not at twitter.

    • 672
    • FAVS
    angrynikkilanyardiganAliceTasmanNatassia_Paolavafelhektortim_casagrandeBOYTWEETSWORLDXconstantlyjosh
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    AliceTasmanw0dloganbryondesideratasaurBOYTWEETSWORLDXBumSwagginItnataliebubbdtg581
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 635
    • FAVS
    HrBryyoyohaLetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_maebemarbles
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimMonte10DBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 521
    • FAVS
    yoyohaLetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuzaeblanchardMeganStaceyEllieTee44
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509rachelboughton3vanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Robin Williams' impression of a hot dog is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. pic.twitter.com/efu9wu4CJG

    • 467
    • FAVS
    KortnieCat101kimichelle16TonySwitzerDefineCuriosityFooxyyyEmmaBeejay1dia_the_pandaJsal56Taylore
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    TonySwitzerMeghanAngeliniGracelbloomRobeana123Kaydiz_SidKortisThatHoffmanKidjeongdasom311
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've never paid attention to a scene with a dead body in it because I like to see if I can catch the actor breathing.

    • 556
    • FAVS
    HrBryradicaljocyLetdownLizzie2013MissMTlivvylilacfluestertoeneMelinaHartwigSaraahnaguib
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    TheTessaDeeSimoneLeMondtiffanysBCSGriffithTalentkeepnaggingCrinasClosetjuliantifflor30KatLeppek
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Because in the past 3 days I've thought of at least 20 personal experiences I could've tweeted about but was too embarrassed to #YesAllWomen

    • 463
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMaidenStephanieGingerAlexis93JordangroeeeJohnJFruscianteBri_IsTheLightkaileedoherty16lacefaceyeah
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    amanidoknowkristinpuhlali_winslowthesasspandala_nobiliskreecuthbert_Erina101TurnthePagina
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    BREAKING: my high school acquaintance is grateful for her amazing hubby

    • 454
    • FAVS
    HrBryyoyohaLetdownLizzieRyanSwift2fgboofsass_n_assemilyapybuslawblob
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    sass_n_asschangesqnptbingorazerllkickflipguySineadwithaFadaheathermcrobieBeallLydia
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    So, is there a MR Paint?

    • 465
    • FAVS
    HrBrySetsugamiJoshGaidendougdrieseljrangryl0lrusRobHunterswordsinstasquidLetdownLizzie
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyAlexRoberts88DouglasAngleHearyehearyeeZWMartinBlakeMDavisyourockmysockAridVoids
    greenteam15AdamOfEarthrobfee
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.