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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,124
    • FAVS
    diguimelapenaYaraMathisenpatrickisarobot_christina23_Th3PezDispencerTheWoodenslurpymaria_speckhardahsela626
    • 1,474
    • RETWEETS
    SabrinaFeastershrickjakbobbybigALdankoviclaina_goldwinldotvictorLetdownLizzieChips_and_Solsa
    greenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 1,694
    • FAVS
    EraneeFsavie_ceeVivSmith24xandra85chipsandcreamslawley_matthewjalynnepooTickle_Me_Alex
    • 947
    • RETWEETS
    JNielssLoremIpsum00snar_snarsuperchumpsofiaagarciaaaangelaroarrrh0rrorwhoreBlawawawa
    loveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 1,849
    • FAVS
    KerfuckusradicaljocyiGreenMonkLetdownLizziekay_breezusMrSugarpants1jasonshipp1sass_n_ass
    • 717
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieraksOsuchkay_breezussass_n_assWhatevaConcafckinggrownupItsamandaboucheThatOldFellow__
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 946
    • FAVS
    iGreenMonkLetdownLizzieRtodaizHsass_n_assSam_Alan33DBwiddaDBfrwxobalfiICountBeanss
    • 887
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziesass_n_assacme01DBwiddaDBbradyd82AnnaroseWynneRyanMcKnastyMrsCiolli
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 980
    • FAVS
    nocturnallymeiGreenMonkLetdownLizziesass_n_assthe_gremlinsMollyBuhlerSam_Alan33brimaguire
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickinthebackbradley_olsen
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 740
    • FAVS
    notoriousPOBsluttybratreningsvraksophinaphalangeFrqysaachrisstarasschu22739yagirlmadsiri
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    sschu22739phoebeluheckchuckmanhdr_ricCaressLeporedanielpmcdermotgvozdinskyClaireIngraham
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 702
    • FAVS
    _christina23_Plan_BX2LetdownLizziemarvelousCaradrescalenellshaxbriennevenidosJacobbWomble
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    DLenshekkacikinnettdrescaleWhosBingjazzjavajoyBenRSheldon_Omnia_Ayy_Deemeebshere
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 818
    • FAVS
    seafoamabigailLetdownLizzieleeelorjessica8035BethanyD873sass_n_asskayytiniWhatevaConc
    • 295
    • RETWEETS
    cuntmuggerjmariacherLetdownLizziektweedelsass_n_assWhatevaConcDBwiddaDBsesrestes
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 638
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgoGabbySafaICountBeanssJuliaEveHaysMrNickCallas
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 633
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_maebemarblessadboobpyncheon
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimMonte10DBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 576
    • FAVS
    BackpackerBooieShelby_BelgardeLeMurphsSocialExtortionjulianne_singsvladchocSirEviscerateABCracing54
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    MarleneGinaderagquarxm_mcconchiescoutvinsonwdijkshoornolurydlocolinwhittBCopacetic
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 520
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuzaeblanchardMeganStaceyEllieTee44kylebaker
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509rachelboughton3vanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've never paid attention to a scene with a dead body in it because I like to see if I can catch the actor breathing.

    • 555
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyLetdownLizzie2013MissMTlivvylilacfluestertoeneMelinaHartwigSaraahnaguibtiffanysBC
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    TheTessaDeeSimoneLeMondtiffanysBCPMTSusannakeepnaggingCrinasClosetjuliantifflor30KatLeppek
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Robin Williams' impression of a hot dog is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. pic.twitter.com/efu9wu4CJG

    • 451
    • FAVS
    FacelessNYergabii_maruBrandonJLandryrmull35nicolemllnnJudithBuceyxXMR300XxthedaysofAbby
    • 279
    • RETWEETS
    Kaydiz_SidKortisThatHoffmanKidjeongdasom311SoyAbri1IMJennyMelxXMR300XxClodile
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Because in the past 3 days I've thought of at least 20 personal experiences I could've tweeted about but was too embarrassed to #YesAllWomen

    • 463
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMaidenStephanieGingerAlexis93JordangroeeeJohnJFruscianteBri_IsTheLightkaileedoherty16lacefaceyeah
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    amanidoknowkristinpuhlali_winslowthesasspandala_nobiliskreecuthbertEriBerri121TurnthePagina
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    BREAKING: my high school acquaintance is grateful for her amazing hubby

    • 452
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieRyanSwift2fgboofsass_n_assemilyapybuslawblobDBwiddaDBjoanofdarkness
    • 191
    • RETWEETS
    sass_n_asschangesqnptbingorazerllkickflipguySineadwithaFadaheathermcrobieBeallLydia
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Iris, do I have dyslexia?

    • 470
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieDBwiddaDBRaulJustinianodammitbabies__albedoagreenteam15TEENBITCH666SidneyPritch
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
    HoMPodcastradicaljocyDBwiddaDBRaulJustinianoSidneyPritchhatehugthemarninatorscottreynolds11
    Molly_KatsSquirreljustice
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    So, is there a MR Paint?

    • 464
    • FAVS
    SetsugamiJoshGaidendougdrieseljrangryl0lrusRobHunterswordsinstasquidLetdownLizzieSamGrittner
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyAlexRoberts88DouglasAngleHearyehearyeeZWMartinBlakeMDavisyourockmysockAridVoids
    greenteam15AdamOfEarthrobfee
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Special K diet:
    1. Bowl of cereal for breakfast
    2. Bowl of cereal for lunch
    3. Sensible dinner
    4. Murder everyone

    • 317
    • FAVS
    KerfuckusLetdownLizziestevetwarnerDBwiddaDBbradyd82sgtpd75ligonlawSaraThomas84
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    stevetwarnerligonlaw_ILLTECHj6taintedloveCelebrityChezSadFaceOtterAndrewMcKay11SuziesUniverse__
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    1993 Life Goal: to be rich and famous

    2003 Life Goal: to be financially secure and well-known

    2013 Life Goal: to own a washing machine

    • 396
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieKaffrynThomasVirtualRVSerenaPaulson4MaulkingTheWoodenslurpyericgegpinupteacher
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziepostfolkrockh_hotspringsTonireaTalbertrossTheHatIsGoodzdellenburgQuicksilwr
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.