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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 3,706
    • FAVS
    BBell05Ignorant_Indiankrishna_vanPippaTeabdoooougscrackrpentacostcarlykenVision365
    • 1,716
    • RETWEETS
    Ignorant_Indiankrishna_vanhiba_raza1michellelaineVision365FidathedreamersupremepetezaMarkRawlinson7
    stockejockgreenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 1,698
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausHrBrystockejockyoyohaEraneeFsavie_ceeVivSmith24xandra85
    • 947
    • RETWEETS
    JNielssLoremIpsum00snar_snarsuperchumpsofisagarcia_angelaroarrrh0rrorwhoreBlawawawa
    loveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 1,832
    • FAVS
    lionrabbitwhaleakaBriggsymortega00AllyTheJediimickaelaSaaamanthaFossclowndromartinsaldin
    • 739
    • RETWEETS
    EVidingjosher71WhatevaConcspeknycShidaTM04schmidtshmatSenAmandaLovemagarika
    kDuncanG
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 1,853
    • FAVS
    hoorayguiperlucidummittromney420Zachary_EatonAndersReynoldsgspelsRangerRob_EsteCanI
    • 718
    • RETWEETS
    catieEsmithMollyMillingtongspelsLetdownLizzieraksOsuchkay_breezussass_n_assWhatevaConc
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 1,242
    • FAVS
    A_Bike_GuyStacyA600gavripujanarularbd_sqrlGreeblehausrainrubenglhaynes
    • 1,052
    • RETWEETS
    A_Bike_GuybluetunedStacyA600VishalShriyanPagalBachchapujanarulaBhukkadMataaanchalator
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.

    • 1,379
    • FAVS
    InfinityDolphinpbms_bitchJenRaineSmartplfrederickImstephwilliamsgrumchumkuhnsanguineseventeentracks
    • 612
    • RETWEETS
    JenRaineSmartKerfuckusanythingbutfifiAnnaEHunt_AtomicBetty420MarqueeMoviesMarcswifey21swflower
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    We don't like catcalling.
    BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED--
    We don't like catcalling.
    LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
    We don't like catcalling.
    OKAY BUT--

    • 1,048
    • FAVS
    nrulasonnayomirFBIOfficalSoulGloProjectelllenaKatieMordhorstpedritol96messy_vanessa
    • 692
    • RETWEETS
    JackieSarahBitsbrittnynayomirednagreysnatchaweavemessy_vanessaFrostbitQueensophiebee27
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / you are not responsible for the choices my husband makes

    • 942
    • FAVS
    whereisraissallvvzzcm_kieffergemmaofficialmadisonemacleodTessMcGourtyElsie_MooTerinTalarico
    • 688
    • RETWEETS
    laceydaisyknitsoh_nein_katyarnold76coiledspringpodVorchNndezNadineTharwatKristenShuckclockworkcat7
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 978
    • FAVS
    PixelatedL0veStacyA600The_Gnar24speknycMagDeLeonardisGreeblehausAndersReynoldsllvvzz
    • 335
    • RETWEETS
    StacyA600hewasntrobderozKendra130mestarr18boyohboyssandyjreesedejanaa
    WhatevaConc
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 984
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausHrBrystockejockredherringbearnocturnallymeiGreenMonkLetdownLizziesass_n_ass
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    nocturnallymeLetdownLizzieTwetterless_SamMoreCabellmarcthemayerdagnabbitttnickinthebackbradley_olsen
    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 745
    • FAVS
    EsteCanIHrBrystockejockjasgrenyoyohanotoriousPOBsluttybratreningsvrak
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    sschu22739phoebeluheckchuckmanhdr_ricCaressLeporedanielpmcdermotgvozdinskythedailybrood
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    Rachel_Matthewsmaddykuperfranke_my_dearlehmKJSaadNCdoingqigongsamanthaveeeoldmanjoseph
    • 455
    • RETWEETS
    tweetswithemilymaddykuperFryx0rSaadNCSlimJimJillraquel9eunicorngutssJoelCornah
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 641
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausstockejockyoyohaLetdownLizzielawblobDBwiddaDBDoctorakgoGabbySafa
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Hey commercials, thanks anyway but we're poor.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    RileyS36nicmalecSarahHMeltzer_Garistotlegurskymanmuerte_amorgray_doeNormDGuerreIndy
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    aliengirl1994iznizzyZachReislerannemlaclaircarly__janebaldbusterttacksEarthcorylol
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Weird how people in depression medication commercials are looking out windows, not at twitter.

    • 690
    • FAVS
    OrfaaliciadenMEelleidntknwwhtwtrisoceanmist1224jas0njamesaltwerknativeABaxterPlanAaronFullerton
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    AliceTasmanw0dloganbryondesideratasaurBOYTWEETSWORLDXBumSwagginItnataliebubbdtg581
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    My favorite sex position is 10 (falling asleep next to a pizza).

    • 635
    • FAVS
    HrBryyoyohaLetdownLizzieWhatevaConcjackcarterhayleymettenetWhatsoup_maebemarbles
    • 285
    • RETWEETS
    WhatevaConccodyreuschelnate_chocoMcSwtrvstKimMonte10DBwiddaDBMullingHagelhey_roldy
    Phylan
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

    • 522
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausyoyohaLetdownLizzieJethicagiruaroezgisenagurbuzaeblanchardMeganStacey
    • 252
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizzieYinYang83951509rachelboughton3vanessasraeblanchardMollyBolf5UnaCruickshankWhiskeyBurrito
    SCbchbum
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Robin Williams' impression of a hot dog is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen. pic.twitter.com/efu9wu4CJG

    • 469
    • FAVS
    abigorosito1NicolasRezzano1fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQKortnieCat101kimichelle16TonySwitzerDefineCuriosity
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    fioreviglioniMrsSuzieQTonySwitzerMeghanAngeliniGracelbloomRobeana123Kaydiz_SidKortis
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've never paid attention to a scene with a dead body in it because I like to see if I can catch the actor breathing.

    • 558
    • FAVS
    jo_OliusGreeblehausHrBryradicaljocyLetdownLizzie2013MissMTlivvylilacfluestertoene
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    TheTessaDeeSimoneLeMondtiffanysBCSGriffithTalentkeepnaggingCrinasClosetjuliantifflor30KatLeppek
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Because in the past 3 days I've thought of at least 20 personal experiences I could've tweeted about but was too embarrassed to #YesAllWomen

    • 463
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMaidenStephanieGingerAlexis93JordangroeeeJohnJFruscianteBri_IsTheLightkaileedoherty16lacefaceyeah
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    amanidoknowkristinpuhlali_winslowthesasspandala_nobiliskreecuthbert_Erina101TurnthePagina
@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.