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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Gift @ariscott Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 18k
    • LIKES
    aspyd05mmjacketsny_my_sterLucidSpikeOuendanLlosernilsjenjendoitagainlohan239
    • 8,803
    • RETWEETS
    itstoodamnhardemperor_nerdrinank_WutangDinolindseydelgayFreyaCharlotte_Sexy_Like_Jesuschiarattr
    abbycohenwl
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Son, I need to tell you something. You were adapted. Into a screenplay. Your life story will be a film. About adoption. You were adopted.

    • 5,752
    • LIKES
    soberischgabigregorioubenmccluskeyorphic_threnchJeffSchortzMandaLynn314VKarinskyvidejr
    • 2,598
    • RETWEETS
    Neil_SchwarzVKarinskymqikelanwabisa_DannyCalderon_onlinebillyLeonTaipretenshusmzRedDiamond
    CulturedRuffiangreenteam15alien_sushiMickey_McCauleyRowdyBowden
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Twitter's original name was "Sentence Contest"

    • 4,163
    • LIKES
    rolodextrajenjendoitagainjosh_assmaghorkyhan_bo_nanDanMancinimaraudersdpbuzzin
    • 1,791
    • RETWEETS
    BrennanCaldwellAntzoidNick12Llewellynsupimsambramblethicketnaveeniiumpipecorkonlineghosts
    UNTRESORloveletterbombs
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I've spent 30 years thinking about how Molly Ringwald's sushi lunch in The Breakfast Club was sitting in a warm library for 4 hours.

    • 3,480
    • LIKES
    ReannLimes_25crazycat_babyBlackMikefromBRsaulomiteiamNathanpInitialspellrarKurt__Walkerbellestardust
    • 1,545
    • RETWEETS
    crazycat_babyredlomojaderenegadeAvniSharmaaDamnVegetablesfatIouiemh4kyayKM
    smilely_galKerfuckus
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm at a hockey game and the players weren't really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled "come on" and then they tried harder.

    • 2,779
    • LIKES
    StamWOWtaze_osarasueeeGinaOmertaMaddCollsBEERLEAGUEREDkelli_foxCailllin
    • 1,155
    • RETWEETS
    nosefacekillahhbergeronprocessMaddCollsyllonnocalegnagingersaysjumplaramaluhia____suzz_lenabean
    Stellacopter
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene / you are not responsible for the choices my husband makes

    • 2,006
    • LIKES
    dadflannelsCheapEatsDotIEstaciesuggsCokiDoki82AmesBurds_1ro_rockaMandaLynn314
    • 1,298
    • RETWEETS
    jaderenegadeprettylikeapieCourtneyStults1TweetsByTheTonyBenderIsGreat7MrHEe_mAsHGlenners_TarmyVet1972
    mdob11
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    I'm sad [deletes]
    Ever feel such deep despair th [deletes]
    There is so much pain insi [deletes]
    BURRITOS RULE LOL [send]

    • 2,209
    • LIKES
    Burds_1thewonderfrogMandaLynn314BlackxBird_Sisixa_InenatoKloryssa44iwearaonesie
    • 893
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314Leynsunmemechachou__Kiralyne_Mawi_fiRanneMadsenSarah_Biersack_Yungbyrdd
    BlackCheesePiekDuncanG
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    None of the dogs who lost at the dog show know they lost or that they're at a dog show or that they're dogs.

    • 1,995
    • LIKES
    lauralizrdbrethSuperKarateMnkymwillsonJustEnoughStufflisa1508bobmcintoshlawaliciachavez___concretegloves
    • 1,075
    • RETWEETS
    _tatersaladGenevieveHDwyeriivaishiiellyhammons_meghanaaa_TasnuvaBveronicaacantuOnmywaykelllee
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Parents' houses: where 8pm feels like midnight.

    • 2,121
    • LIKES
    AnniaKayHeisen_VerbsCastman23Burds_1MandaLynn314katiewagzspad2002NELLYWAITS
    • 870
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedpvaughndmarpar12bree_murageJaeMar68greggjgc79__Yo_Simmity_Sammathewbyoung
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    For someone so concerned with marriage licenses, God sure was focused on dinosaurs for 180 million years.

    • 1,673
    • LIKES
    LeilaniMunterlivnealeemollieieioLillian_Claireehelloitstjsoberisch_epetropouloskleemart
    • 1,246
    • RETWEETS
    altoanthemjrubin121helloitstjPaddyWilkinslillianmckt_adams15meginspaghettit_pointe
    ElifcelloCthunicorn
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Got my hands on the screenplay for the new Batman v. Superman movie, and it's pretty great pic.twitter.com/11t6fS2MtL

    • 1,626
    • LIKES
    YeremiahYimenezBurds_1SammyGirl9424KissKissWORDSTeamAdam76sunset_proDopeGaBoyeMetseven3
    • 1,195
    • RETWEETS
    srachana2102aashikashettyTheRosieTeamAdam76scotch3554dalydarlingDopeGaBoyeZnb_z
    PetiteRainCity
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    [stays inside all day long watching tv] Too bad it gets dark so early now.

    • 1,685
    • LIKES
    sanchezjohnnythebohligedoneeliseclaire123the_fdizzlejennregentoriinelsongothicaseasjazzjavajoy
    • 958
    • RETWEETS
    chinnychenchansarahsimon2696claudinedareusQitootjazzjavajoyeyyojeronimoerikjodkomikeandvikes
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Tips for writing a tweet about white girls liking pumpkin spice:

    1. Do not write it
    2. Log off
    3. Go pet a dog or something

    • 1,504
    • LIKES
    kazfernandesSemel1lkimallwritecomMollyJones212emgdelaneyMandaLynn314AFairytaleBookMichaeIlyinsky
    • 684
    • RETWEETS
    jilldotnetMandaLynn314AFairytaleBookisabellagrcataylortrudonerinruberrythesarahrobertswaynebratton1
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    We don't like catcalling.
    BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED--
    We don't like catcalling.
    LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--
    We don't like catcalling.
    OKAY BUT--

    • 1,212
    • LIKES
    Burds_1MandaLynn314iwearaonesiesmilely_galmozzysticks_mzhammerkatz4hatzKnarkochTVSpel
    • 765
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314aishu_sNitzanBrockKeavyyyyivartheterribleSammieCoakley__SeragxnGongShowShaun
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.

    • 1,134
    • LIKES
    Burds_1MandaLynn314BurbidgeJamesReticentTurnipkimlockhartgaiwearaonesieLoliryderMoarCaffeine
    • 396
    • RETWEETS
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    WhatevaConc
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Thought of a fun idea for a commercial: a husband's like "derr, I made a mess" & the wife's like "what am I gonna do with this guy, right?"

    • 992
    • LIKES
    Burds_1thewonderfrogMandaLynn314iwearaonesiemariannefellersmilely_galgoldengateblondsanchezjohnny
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
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    Manda_like_wine
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    If I ever get hit by a car I hope it's not while I'm carrying a pizza because then I'll be upset about two things.

    • 786
    • LIKES
    purch_sKennaJettLeahKnauerOwlBeEmmCeeTheDairylandDoncampbellkatie_karamaloneyfrenchielaboozi
    • 477
    • RETWEETS
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  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    Hey commercials, thanks anyway but we're poor.

    • 723
    • LIKES
    Burds_1MandaLynn314iwearaonesieNickadooeasyfolows461__hippocroteezGentLoksNiall_Gaff
    • 322
    • RETWEETS
    MandaLynn314hippocroteezdevamithranPrestonJacobson__dariuusHamdanRizviBroken_Broad__Rikki_tweets
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    There's an alternate universe where teens can even.

    • 647
    • LIKES
    Burds_1MandaLynn314KhaleddAhmediwearaonesieNickadoogradia_haleymyglazedfaceGreeblehaus
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    LetdownLizziestephvelazqzjohnburke_94ellenmcMissAmandaaNMohamedSamir__neongrapetreepee
    julygdiaz
  • ariscott
      Ari Scott @ariscott

    It's New Year's Eve! Headed to Times Square? Here's my advice:

    1. No
    2. Do not go there
    3. What are you doing
    4. Go somewhere else
    5. Stop

    • 606
    • LIKES
    Burds_1iwearaonesieNickadooCarynCaldwellcalacaserenadelavandshirleyrobbykarolajewelsong
    • 420
    • RETWEETS
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@ariscott

@ariscott

Writer. UCB. Pictures. Dogs.

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