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GIRLS: if ur at a party and a guy hands you his phone to put ur number into, text REDCROSS to 90999 and he’ll donate $10 to hurricane relief
Skeptical about everything human beings say about anything.
Every time you say hi to someone you know that doesn't notice you get a little bit of your virginity back.
I bet Mitt Romney's ex-girlfriends called him Mittens.
I set feminism 20 years back every time there's a bee in my car.
Did it hurt when you came up from hell and started breaking hearts?
Do I have to be good at clapping to join Family Feud?
DATING TIP: Run as fast as you can.
I did something cool once and didn't document it on social media. It was okay.
I'm a confident, independent and sensual woman who enjoys taking long romantic walks down the cookie aisle.
We can hang out under one condition: if we go out to eat and talk about our regrets.
Just wanted to let you know that it's possible to run 10 miles without posting about it on Facebook.
Does it make me a hero if I carry 5 iPhone chargers on me at all times?
Prose before bros.
Carefully carved my wifi password into a pumpkin for all the neighborhood kids.
Remember how fortunate you are that you are able to get up and move your feet. You are healthy. Take advantage of it while you can.
Unspoken awkward action: having to change the toilet paper in someone else's house.
My desire to be well-informed is at odds with my desire to remain sane.
Listening to Bright Eyes in the summer foreshadows the withdrawals for pumpkin spice flavored things.
Figuring it out. Gnawing on a block of cheese. I write.