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And in the composing of that tweet, I wrote "fetch" so many times that all I could think was "I'M SORRY FOR TRYING TO MAKE 'FETCH' HAPPEN"
Oh, nothing. Just standing bare-ass naked in my kitchen at 1AM, self-tanning and making Rice-a-Roni. You know. Normal stuff.
Oh, you know. Doing laundry, feeding the cat, cracking my parents' safe. Standard Wednesday-night stuff.
Sitting on the trunk of my car in an empty church parking lot blasting "Everybody Dance Now" and chainsmoking. Oh yeah. I know how to party.
Apparently I was too drunk yesterday to choose the "send" button, not the "send on Tuesday when I'm sober so I look stupid" button. My b.
I just accidentally drank an entire bottle of wine in the last 30 minutes watching the Golden Globes. I'm kind of fucked up.
Removed screen from bathroom window so I could have a smoke out of it. Been stuck in this house too long... #snowpocalypse #hothlanta
ABCFamily has made a Mean Girls 2.
...
LITERALLY NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS SACRED.
Wow, I have 17 more followers than yesterday. I guess if you tweet more often then ohhhhhhhhh my god you guys I just got it.
Exhibit: seen. Mind: blown. Illegal iPhone camera pictures of the Persistence of Memory: taken.
It's just like, I've been here for three hours, I wanna see a goddamn melty clock.
On break at work, went outside to have a cig. At the back of the building there are 23 employees out here smoking.
I work at Whole Foods.
Outside in shorts and a leather jacket, barefoot on wet ground. Think my nic habit is out of hand. Or that I need to invest in fur boots.
I got to work early so I could try nursing my hangover homeopathically. I can now safely say: fuck this. I need a Bloody Mary and six Advil.
In order to make this workday bearable, I have donned bright red lace panties that say "OH WHAT FUN" on the ass. It's the only way.
Bassoonist, myopic, obsessive-compulsive, sometime greasemonkey and general snarky bitch.
