Coke Zero

Pepsi One


Well played Pepsi.

Star and RT if you support gay marriage.

The best sex for me is "make up" sex. It consists of me making up a story about me having sex.

I like a woman who's a lady in the streets and a freak in the tweets!

I'm gonna open a dance club for people with physical impairments. What do you think of the name Club Foot?

If you're not having sex with me that makes you just like everyone else.

Be unique.

Apparently its not customary to bring your own drugs to a drug test.

Fuck those assholes! - porn director.

I always wake up with a hard on and crave coffee. So today I'm finally gonna do it! I'm gonna stick my dick in my coffee! Wish me luck!

I never tell people to go to hell. I prefer to bring it right to them.

I met this girl. Said I'd tell her a joke bout my dick but its too long. She said I'd tell u a joke about my pussy but you'll never get it!

Its not so much that I hate Facebook. Its just that my Mom and Dad are on there. And all my friends.

A cop just tweeted me my rights. I starred it.

You really gotta love yourself. I mean, who else is gonna do it? Your wife?

Married men don't go to the bar with their buddies to meet women. They go so they can be RIGHT for a little while.

On a scale if 1-10 what's your favorite letter?

Texting and driving isn't really dangerous. It's the crashing into things part that hurts people.

If you really wanna show someone you love them, tell them you'd take a mullet for them.

If the only way I can ever fuck you is with stars, let's just say that your timeline won't be able to walk tomorrow.

Hello!! People!!!! These tweets aren't gonna star themselves!