@ashamedtosay's (I am not telling) most faved Tweets...
Every fucking time I take a fucking cab the fucking cab driver acts like I am the first fucking person to ask for a fucking receipt. #fuck
There will be no eye contact today.
Everyone will speak in low voices.
We will wear dark glasses.
For today is the day after the Open Bar.
Everyone will speak in low voices.
We will wear dark glasses.
For today is the day after the Open Bar.
I am somewhat disturbed by the fact that New Girl just took a business call from Stall 2. I know this because I am tweeting from Stall 3.
Stall 1: cockroach
Stall 2: left overs
Stall 3: pee seat
Stall 4: occupied.
These are the times that try a woman's soul.
Stall 2: left overs
Stall 3: pee seat
Stall 4: occupied.
These are the times that try a woman's soul.
I am watching Kung Fu Panda. My kid is watching PBS. I have failed at something here. When she grows up, maybe she'll tell me what.
Neighborhood Wifi names:
Utopia
PeaceOnEarth
Wireless
BillClinton
And less than a block away...
Monica
But that one is always going down.
Utopia
PeaceOnEarth
Wireless
BillClinton
And less than a block away...
Monica
But that one is always going down.
Guy sitting outside McDonalds begging, handwritten cardboard sign reads:
"Too ugly to prostitute."
Yes, yes you are.
"Too ugly to prostitute."
Yes, yes you are.
Do you think "figured out how to play on Twitter at work w/o getting caught" is a challenge or achievement? Asking for my performance review
199 folllowers here on my wall, a 199 followers here....Take Bri.t.ney bot down, pass her around 198 followers here on my wall....
When you walk into my office while I am trying to tweet about you, I make typos. That pisses me off.
When you say this is due tomorrow, but you are off tomorrow, so you need it today, but the date you gave me is Monday, I stab you.
Seriously these are grown people with whom I used to discuss complex issues; art, life, politics, who now tend imaginary farms on facebook.
I see New Girl is going as Wicked Witch of the East for Halloween. I shall crush her under the weight of this house and take her shoes.
When you shoplift at Nordstroms a very polite voice comes over the PA and says "Pardon me..."
Do not ask how I know that.
Like my boots?
Do not ask how I know that.
Like my boots?
I am a little drunk. You may have your way with me.
But not you, no.
And definitely not you.....
But you maybe. Call me! <wink>
But not you, no.
And definitely not you.....
But you maybe. Call me! <wink>
Right now I want my parka, but in April when it is the exact same temperature I'll be wearing shorts.
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