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"I will only date guys with tattoos and gauges" lol are you 12?
I'm shy. Please flirt aggressively.
Yeah, you should totally idolize Marilyn Monroe: a drugged out, dipshit, crybaby, homewrecker because she was pretty. Also, you're an idiot.
Everyone has a g-spot it's called the god spot and it's in your heart.
I don't understand handjobs. Why compete with the thousands of hours of practice that he's put into giving himself one?
I do this fun thing where I hear gossip, ignore it, and take the time to form my own thoughts & opinions about someone. Try it and grow up.
Heart eyes for days.
Looking good naked is cool but eating a whole box of mac n cheese is pretty cool too.
I'm about to do all of the things I've dreamed of and I don't even miss you at all.
Attention is a hell of a drug.
50% of my thoughts are sex related, the other 50% is food.
We've been mutually liking each others IG pictures for months. Can we just make out already?
If your voice doesn't jump a couple octaves when you're talking to a dog/cat you probably kill people for a living.
"It's not my fault you have feelings."
If I had a dollar for every time I took something serious on twitter, I'd have 0 dollars because I'm not a fucking idiot.
Stop being stupid and fall in love with me like a normal person.
I spend half of my time feeling lonely and the other half wishing people would stop talking to me.
Sometimes you sleep with three blankets just so you don't have to put pants on.