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This awful woman with body odour and monobrow has been married. TWICE. I smell very nice & have TWO eyebrows; I can't land a boyfriend. WTF?
The whore isn't even home. Who the hell is doing more power drilling in her house? Don't they know I've been up all night watching firefly?!
Lemons new trick is to launch onto the bed directly into my face, run across my hair, then spring off the other side. And REPEAT. Damn cats.
Woman; your loud, passive aggressive comments to your toddler about how late the doctor is, while glancing at me, aren't going to help you.
Literally the FIRST TIME I have ever walked around my house sans pants, and someone knocks on my damn door. I seriously have awful luck.
Someone's eating a whole heap of KFC in the waiting room. The whole place smells of takeaway and I'm so damn hungry.
Gone to Nan's for roast dinner. I'm Christmas Day levels of full.
I could have stripped paint with what I was drinking last night.
Someone courier McDonalds to me. Please.
I just whacked myself in the face with my phone and split my lip open. I'm Grace incarnate.
I have alzheimers, but at least I don't have alzheimers; and lysdexia's not a problem.