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Lady with a big belly came into work today, wasn't pregnant & has a 1 y.o., Nurse: "Think the doctors left the twin in there all this time?"
Happy Easter! And remember what today's really about... It's not all just chocolate bunnies and eggs! :)
I feel so glamorous picking up my dog's waste on the side of the road while still wearing my work clothes and heels
One of the urologists at work told me he wants to buy Croc Jibbitz that are penises & kidneys since the opthamologists have eyeball ones
Our bathroom smells like Barbie hair and it's fantastic... you know exactly what I'm talking about!
Can you imagine what a downer it would be to get drunk with Martina McBride? #depressing
Man, I'm a little embarrassed that I'm not even a little embarrassed by the number of things I've tweeted today...
When is the next apocalypse scheduled? I need an excuse to call out of work
I feel underdressed in Wal-Mart...
Drink drank drunk #TGIF
The ppl so intent on expressing their disdain for gay marriage that they'd wait in long lines at Chick-Fil-A make me worry for the future
Please let us have that drunk neighbor that sets off a firework after American gold medal... b/c I think that's happening! #effyeaOlympics!
"I don't think you can have too many tu-tus" #ProjectRunway10
This garage fridge only has a case of beer and a jar of pepperoncinis in it...awesome or depressing?
Ugh, I was most definitely #thatgirl at this party last night... the one that annoys me when I'm not as drunk as her... #sorryIwasamess
"This fucking toe is just destined for disaster"
A client today gave me the email nubianprincess, "with a 3 instead an e in both words." Too embarrassed to ask where the e was in nubian...
Vending machine & "goodies from my purse" lunch today, so I'm eating microwave popcorn, gummies, a brownie, a Rice Krispie & nabs, #notajoke
"Sweet, you can get your neck hair to connect to your chest hair?!" #overheardinmyhouse #thingsguyssay