Kid Rock is like that creepy guy that won't stop making music.

Gordon Ramsey is shit compared to me and my onion cooking skills.

Hahaha my mom's drunk, and can't stop saying 'fuck'. It's hiiiiilariousss. Haha she said "it's such a FUN word!" #myfamilyisgreat

Also, he was talking to a cat when he said that....bahahaha

"That's just the way it is around here. Sometimes you get biscuits and gravy, and other times you get fried chicken." - Dad. HAHA, what!?!

Southern accents remind me of racism.

My dog resents me now because I let her jump on my bed, then I realized she'd been in the rain and was still wet so I kicked her off.

What are you supposed to do when a random stranger messages you telling you that you're beautiful and look like an angel? I'm not replying..

I don't need a man. I have my Mac n Cheese, and the movie Spice World.

Instead of saying "hahahahha" in texts, I'm just going to say, "HA!". Hopefully I'll sound more sophisticated. #probablynot

The only time a storm is truly scary is when you're on a plane and a crazy beast is attacking the engine. #twilightzone

I wish my life had a theme song.

I should just move to Canada.

I have the memory of a fish.

I don't think Dr. Dre was the kind of doctor she was talking about. #grammys

Whenever I see a rude comment on a youtube video I just assume that the person who made the comment never got hugged as a child.

Lip synching Bohemian Rhapsody dramatically alone in my room to my cat. #thisismylife

I'm going to bring back the phrase "as if!"

Wootwoot 5 in the morning. HELLO.

I'm pretty sure if we give everyone a free 6 pack of their choice of beer, all of the world's problems will be solved.