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What wine goes with I fucking hate the grocery store.
How many times is normal to use the "F" word or take the Lord's name in vain while holiday decorating? Should I ask Santa for an exorcism?
From the sound of your tweets today, I'm worried that some of you are aren't getting enough fiber.
Asked Hubby if he puts the dishes away right at his girlfriend's house. Judging from blank stare, she hasn't been able to train him either.
We named our wifi "FBI van"
Relatives are saying niece can't have a bridal shower cuz she's living w/ her betrothed. What the fuck century are we living in again?
Discovered the neighbor cat has been sleeping in laundry room. Hubby says its the room I never use. They both have nice beds in there now.
If it weren't for texting, I could never have a civilized conversation with my offspring.
Getting just like Facebook with all the birthdays on here. BTW, mine's in June and I'm registered at most Oregon Wineries.
What I did for ME this moms day. Planted flowers in my friends yard who is newly in remission (multiple myeloma).
Feels good to be selfish.
What is it with my kids and their virtual umbilical cords. Mama's gettin' her drink on. And tweeting. Go play in traffic.
"Buy me a drink young man, and I won't describe my episiotomy"
Mom's weekend pickup line!
Babygirl had to have a throat swab and the doctor made a comment on her lack of gag reflex. Now it's the friggin' nunnery for her!
I'm supposed to start "hormone replacement."
I am hoping to replace them with something more cool like telepathy or the ability to levitate.
Last week of school for Babygirl. Then we have a glorious summer together.
I'll be visiting a few friends.. By friends I mean wineries.
I have 769 followers! Haha. I said 69.
You follow me because I am so funny, right?
#supermodelgameshows Meal or no Meal?
Long trains, another great twitter opportunity!
Gonna start going to Zumba with Babygirl tomorrow. I will be the special needs woman in the back row with vodka in her water bottle.
You must address me by my title-
"Countess Von Fingerbang"
I am a real Suburban Mother! I like wine and more wine. trying to empty my nest. Go Beavs!