Having spent more time with my family than we'd prefer recently, my wife has stopped asking what's the deal with me...

Apologies to you Christian related tweeps who just chose to follow me en masse for some reason, but I don't happen to share your faith...

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and says 'does this taste funny to you?' ;)

Rocking a mohawk at work today, 1st client can't stop looking at it - gonna break out the tats this afternoon - financial advice anyone? ;)

Dress in yellow and green and eat nuts - when they ask, you came as syphilis this year! ;)

@being_hybrid I suggest kidnapping them! ;)

Listening to wife's i-pod as I went for a run this morning; like being on acid - Bette Midler followed by Massive Attack followed by RATM...

Got a DM tellling me that because I hadn't followed back within 24 hours I was being removed....get a fucking life for Christ's sake! Lol!

According to 'Klout' I'm influential on beer and vampires - you just know I'm having that in my eulogy when I'm gone! ;)

Not a happy camper today, I feel pain coming for somebody.

Tonight I get to run around with an axe and a manic grin without fear of police intervention. I love Halloween! ;)

@gagitamonster an atheist in Arizona? Wow, I feel like I just started following a unicorn! ;) x

@arthurftdub is that a college for stupid people, or a place people go to learn to be stupid? Just curious... ;)

@seams16 @trmousner @edenbaylee @eileeninga @mrsbaker420 @thetoddreport tweeps well worth following.

My new cunning plan to get my books in front of big publishers - I'm now a (pretend) literary agent :D

It would appear that my wife was right...I am in fact autistic.

Bring on the New Year - that perfect time to evaluate your life and then seize the chance to be who you know you can be

@lifeofliriope say what?!!! My only rule is not in any place that'll see me arrested...again! X

@parker287 yes, easier to use it as lube that way! ;)

Katie Price has sold 4.5million books. I've got more talent in my little finger than she's got in her whole body but I'm still agentless wtf