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Celebrate Memorial Day weekend by being an internet jerkoff and making us all wish YOU were dead.
Good looks to my NY brother @theshamingofjay for the fly cup. Cheers, yo.
Just tripped and fell and writhed on the ground in pain and long story short every soccer team in Europe wants to make me a rich man.
If Parliament hasn't issued a formal apology to the murderous terrorists I'm going to seriously question British etiquette.
Yo, @hidingfromme gave me a trophy because she scored one of those big dicked, money making husbands that's good with kids. Thanks, chica.
All I'm saying is that recommended ages for jumpy houses are pretty much bullshit.
@angrynyfan @daveerror I have no rude boy clothes and I hate soccer :( Fuck it, I'm in.
A trophy from my boy @reemurda makes me feel like I don't totally suck. Thank you, brother.
I told my wife I could get rid of her period cramps for at least 9 months in less than 3 minutes. She told me to fuck off and die.
I drink and smoke and I'm constantly getting outsmarted by kids and women and animals and stuff. I'm basically an old skool Disney villain.
@hidingfromme I'M COMING BACK FOR THIS ONE! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!
My wife looks so hot after her yoga class, in her yoga pants, while saying, "Don't even think about touching me, asshole."
Yo, @bigheb7 nothing makes me more full of hate than a roomful of soccer fans in a baseball town like NY. Puke. Thanks for the trophy, man.
I missed the end of Air Bud, Bud Spikes Back and now I don't know if they won the big game and foiled the bad guy's plot :( FML.
@bigheb7 I just wrote it, man. In a soccer bar filled with euro trash. Thank you, brother.
Where's the kid from The Emperor's New Clothes? We need someone to blow the lid off this Rihanna is hot fallacy, immediately.
Don't forget, every time you order from Dominos or Subway, you're crushing American small businesses.
Stayed in, every night. Did my homework so I'll be smart.
