Boy, I like your jawline.

Dance parties should always with bloodshed.

Lol, drinking coffee like I'm actually going to get some work done.

My family just got into a fight over cantalope. <3

"Let me cry on your face"

Sometimes I wear bright lipstick to detract from the fact that the rest of my face looks like the inside of a monkey's anus.

"Tried to put some Christmas music on.... Ended up listening to Radiohead instead." - proof my mom is cooler than yours.

@trevso_electric one of the many benefits of beards. The other being the ability to get MAD PUSSSSAAAAYYYY

Put me on an IV of knowledge.

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted"

My inability to flirt astounds me.

Procrastinating by watching inspirational videos.

It always makes me slightly uncomfortable when people tell me I look like my brother because he has a beard.

Going our of your way to makes someone feel stupid doesn't make you any smarter.

Also, the fact that I had to remove the apostrophes from that last tweet to make it all fit makes me want to jump in a pit of glass.

@sulphurshelf true enough

I have the personality of brussel sprouts COOKED IN AWESOME

Remember when Nirvana was cool? Neither do I, I'm still a fetus in my mother's womb.

Maybe if I stare aimlessly into space for long enough a vortex will open up that will swallow me whole.

My ability to create situations of gruesome self harm increase substantially when I'm forced to do work.