@danielgoldstei9 Pretty sure Baby's thinking, "That sure didn't look like a chop block, but I'll take it."

The "Beach" theme on GMail is my happy place.

@max_read Sometimes at Oxy we would drink and sometimes we would even go to Vegas!!! @lauralaurajean @ao73 @erdabaker http://t.co/3uzmBGw7

@max_read I'm mostly upset you didn't use any photos of yourself and Oswald the Tiger pounding Jager Bombs on Stewie Beach for the story.

Beware the girl who uses both arms in a side hug.

"I don't much care for bacon." - Sociopaths

Orientation? More like Borientation.

CONSUME ALL THE VINO

"I love the smell of catnip in the morning." - Apocalypse Meow

There is no deeper sadness a human can feel than going to open a bottle of wine and realizing you have no corkscrew.

Ooo la la Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are back together again!!! Look at all the fucks I give!!!

Life is too short to be a dickwad. Be a cool ass bro instead.

If I ever end up owning a hybrid, I'm gonna name it Jermaine DuPrius.

Oregon smells like weed!!!

Hey guys, I'm not pointing any fingers, but somebody cut off both my hands.

Yo I got 99 problems and 108 of them are math.

"She's gone to a butter place." - me giving Paula Deen's eulogy

I can't sleep with you. Not in this economy.

Gluten contains a number of essential nutrients that keep the brain from needing to incessantly talk about gluten.

The creepiest thing you could find in someone's glove compartment is a pair of gloves.