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Women's rights. LOL
I was born in a hot tub full of strangers and I intend to die the same way.
"Fuckin retard." - me when I see a girl driving
That awkward moment when people realize starting anything with "that awkward moment" makes you look like a complete asshole
Slap your grandma
Just woke up from a nap. I had a dream there were two white baby kitty's under my house and one let me touch his liddo head :)
Shitting with no condom on just feels much better
I like seeing my tweets in my timeline because I love myself.
Fart like nobody's listening
u just washed ur ass. u let out a massive fart. ur left unconscious in ur shower. u wake up to the water department knocking on ur door.
Did you just fart and it smelt like tar? I did.
Evil dead fucked my cunt
Let's listen to Bless the Fall and cuddle
Suck my goo bazooka babeh
A tit with no nipple would be pointless.
Having a girlfriend has really helped me with my jealousy issues. Heck I don't even care where my boyfriend is at most of the time now (':
Has anyone done a tweet about bacon?
Can you believe I didn't know what my asshole was until the Internet came about?!
Dont worry, it's not your fault you weren't raised right.