Women's rights. LOL

I was born in a hot tub full of strangers and I intend to die the same way.

"Fuckin retard." - me when I see a girl driving

That awkward moment when people realize starting anything with "that awkward moment" makes you look like a complete asshole

Slap your grandma

Just woke up from a nap. I had a dream there were two white baby kitty's under my house and one let me touch his liddo head :)

Shitting with no condom on just feels much better

I like seeing my tweets in my timeline because I love myself.

Fart like nobody's listening

u just washed ur ass. u let out a massive fart. ur left unconscious in ur shower. u wake up to the water department knocking on ur door.

Did you just fart and it smelt like tar? I did.

Evil dead fucked my cunt

“@itzladyg: #shoutout to all the people who complain about wanting a job, but when they get it they call in all the time”

That's me yall :]

Let's listen to Bless the Fall and cuddle

Suck my goo bazooka babeh

A tit with no nipple would be pointless.

Having a girlfriend has really helped me with my jealousy issues. Heck I don't even care where my boyfriend is at most of the time now (':

Has anyone done a tweet about bacon?

Can you believe I didn't know what my asshole was until the Internet came about?!

Dont worry, it's not your fault you weren't raised right.