@badkitty_'s most faved Tweets...
Holy shit, Michael Jackson trending again? I'm a fan & all, but someone hand me a shovel while I beat that motherfucker back into his grave.
Lady in store with giant cameltoe: YOU ARE CREATING A VORTEX WE'RE BEING PULLED IN GOD SAVE US ALL GROCERY MISSION ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I can drink Folgers coffee, it stands to reason I can firewalk, swallow swords, sleep on a bed of nails, and even be crucified.
*Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*
My Sharpie is all dried out.
Huh. Wonder why?
*Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*
My Sharpie is all dried out.
Huh. Wonder why?
*Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*
I think I'll just stand outside this New Moon theatre and moon everyone that walks past. Here come the police. I wonder what they want.
Watching Hell's Kitchen. I'm disappointed that Gordon Ramsay isn't teaching the chefs how to make his signature dish, "a fucking omelette."
Seems the Jehovah's Witnesses are handing out bubble gum now with their information packets. Two pieces, one for each ear.
Dear Precocious Young Girl Talking Too Much In Grocery Store: You are about to receive a punch to the scrotum you never knew you had.
Guys! My new invention: A Bruce Willis toilet seat that shouts "Yippee Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!" at appropriate intervals. Watch for me on HSN!
Pro Tip: If you are on your period, naked, and gushing all over the fucking house, DON'T BE A HERO TRYING TO RUN FOR THE TAMPON.
Forgot how to turn on car heater bc I live in FL and NEVER use it. If I drive backwards fast enough will it switch from AC to heat? Officer?
The horrible noises my DVR made went on for hours. Then I realized it was just purging Ryan Seacrest from its memory banks.
Twitter is like the dysfunctional family I never had! Oh, wait ... I *did* have one of those. :'( THANKS FOR REMINDING ME, ASSHOLES
I am too sleepy to make a funny so one of you is gonna have to come over here and SLAP ME AWAKE. Be sure to slap me in all the right places.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar