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Life (noun): a sexually transmitted disease that invariably ends in death. Currently there is no known cure
THE VATICAN CONDEMNING SAVILE'S ACTIVITIES OH EXCUSE ME WHILST I CHOKE TO DEATH ON THIS HUGE LUMP OF IRONY
This one time, at concentration camp...
Oh I do apologise, was this your timeline?
Ever feel like you got a little too much soul?
OCR A level physics will sort that right out for ya
If you believe everything happens 4 a reason/everything will be ok in the end, you're almost certainly a retard of incomparable proportions
Just been molested by a raisin. Anyone got the gRAPE crisis hotline number?
If you have a favourite Kardashian, unfollow me. Then thrown yourself down a fucking well, you inbred sack of herpes
NEED SOMETHING TO DO, WHO'S GOT A FOOTBALL OR A BACK GARDEN + DECKCHAIR OR A VAGINA AND AN URGE TO BE MASSIVELY DISAPPOINTED?
No? What about here?
How about if stand over here?
The head of Bosworth College is personally driving around and picking up students so they can get to their exams http://www.troll.me/images/deidric/aaaahh-thats-my-nigga.jpg …
Feel like Lurtz being born at Isengard. You chaps are the unwitting Orc that gets strangled for being in the wrong place at the wrong time
Cambridge today fellas, wish me luck
But to a writer the truth is no big deal
Where's Tinpan gone though? I miss inane, marijuana influenced tweeting at 4 in the morning and endless pics of Apple products
Girl says she likes badboys. Goes on to say she likes lads like me. Fucking hell luv I read Wodehouse in the bath, you ain't about that life
Utter failure at everything other than failing. Oh, and writing gripping autobiographies in under 160 characters. I'm very good at that.