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Who put all these daggers in my Caesar salad?
"Ha Ha Roscommon are rubbish" people from counties that only have about 1% more Yes votes
The office is the modern day mine but there is no canary to let you know when you are dying
"I'm great but do others know Im great?"
People on Facebook
boxing clever sounds way better than bullying the kid with glasses
Drinking cider from a wine glass because FUCK washing up
Ok so just found out rabies aren't rabbit babies!
A male's testes make about 5,000 sperm a second.so Im not just lying on the couch doing nothing
Im allergic to prison it always causes me to break out!
Drug-sniffing dogs are wrong more than 50% of the time. The important thing is that they admit it and grow from the experience
A condom can carry up to 2 litres of liquid so why does it say on the packet to only use them once?
The Moon is now about 18 times further away from Earth than when it was formed 4.5 billion years ago,amazing how you grow apart over time
paying for a Facebook ad after they reduced your organic reach by over 66% makes about as much sense as paying twice for water!
i like to apply for high profile jobs so that the hr are forced to look through my twitter feed
Don't forget School doesn't test your intelligence, it tests your memory.
Free speech is even more important if you are on a budget
If you produced a sound louder than 1,100 dB, you would create a black hole and destroy the galaxy and your landlord would keep your deposit
comedian,poet,musician,host, list maker #funny
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