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My fly is down more often than not. It's starting to worry me that I don't know how to pants.
I'm at the lakehouse with friends and I have not been killed by an axe murderer, nor has Keanu Reeves sent me love notes from 2 years ago.
Nobody is buying my Garfield loves Nermal fan-fiction. Proof that the world is fucked.
Why aren't there more six year olds freaking the fuck out because they can't remember anything from 4 years ago?
I hate it when people play their absolutely terrible music in public without headphones. #BlackEyedPeas
How does London get The Who, Led Zeppelin and Paul McCartney while Vancouver got Nickelback, Simple Plan and a drunk Catherine O'hara? Fuck
If my iPhone autocorrects "do" into "do" one more time, I will be DO mad.
Just curious, Retweet if you live in Alberta and still use your phone while driving, despite the bylaw.
-Sent from my car
The people saying "rich people are getting what they deserve" with this flood, while we're on the matter, you deserve a punch in your throat
The Olympic medals won by North Korea will be melted down to be used as part of a swing set for Kim Jong Un.
Remember when Amanda Bynes didn't look like a white Nicki Minaj sprinkled with cocaine?
If the remake of Total Recall doesn't have the lady with the three tits, it will be the biggest waste of 200 million dollars ever!
Jay Feaster picking like coach Bombay of the Mighty Ducks movies. Expect a cowboy in Rd 2 and a figure skater in Rd 3. #Flames #NHLDraft
#prop8 found unconstitutional. In other news, water is wet and chicken is delicious. American politics are embarrassingly slow.
The proper meteorological term is "windy as fuck" #yyc
Twenty-seven year old Canadian. I put Jack Daniels and Coke in a pot and call it a Jackpot. Proud father of four beautiful imaginary children.
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