I wonder if God says "Yes, What?" everytime a woman has an orgasm.

Dear sex life, Welcome to the club! signed, Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, & ET

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: Due to the recent heat wave, rehydrate before you masturbate. You're welcome.

Failure is not an option. Perhaps, but for me its a frequent daily occurance.

This bugs me. Who the heck is Ke$ha?

Letter to Chuck Norris, Ow ow ow OW, we give, uncle, uncle, UNCLE already!~signed, everybody

I just Googled myself. ( yea I'm really that bored ). It was all boring stuff. I need to commit a crime to spice it up a notch. Any ideas?

twitter should randomly add someone to your followers list. that way things stay fresh rather than same ole all the time.

#ff Hit that follow button. ;-) @bucketheaddeb @sunchickie @5oulhealer @twitterdads @miami69zempt @scoop49_frost @carlossombra777

#ff give em a follow. You know you wanna. ;-) @lovemevodka @lucianopardini @luminasun @lurkey @luvdagame54 @mahjoe @majorgeeks

Thought it was broke! But I pumped & pumped, and soon enough out it came. Yep, that old water pump still works great.

PS: Nose, The sneezing thing? Cut that shit out! NOBODY is impressed. Me

#ff Follow em. BOOM! Better TL. :-) @stereoqueenbee @sammieshoequeen @djleem @mrs_suit @blondieforkeeps @mcallisterlynne @boxlee1p

#ff Yay, for Friday! @blondieforkeeps @luminasun @zita_von_tesse @nata_parisrd @sunchickie @stereoqueenbee @xthe_bubsx @xx_justeazn_xx

#ff @terriblewaiter @tetley6969 @thatcuntygirl @the_sculptress @theballedtruth @thecamillleb @thefrustratedma @thegirlsminds @thehill

#ff @lipstickspice @lisa_laughs_ @lisareaka @livingupsuccess @lizelarsen @lookout @loretta7366 @lovemevodka @lucianopardini @luminasun

#lifewaseasybefore my penis got a mind of its own

#ff Spice up your TL. :-) @twitterdads @gjgbtl231 @5oulhealer @bucketheaddeb @jeterfan_02 @mhmmdalfiian @mibloggers @davisfnp @kimmyharvey

It's THANKFUL THURSDAY! Lets make it happen. :-) @cerconelance @nicenfancy @tiffw88 @tdawn414 @miami69zempt @mhmmdalfiian @adasimmonds1

#ff give em a follow. just cuz. ;-) @bitchingme @bamaroberts1 @jcarter6398 @kacado @adasimmonds1 @tiffw88 @komchat @tdawn414 @twitterdads