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I'd like to know what Rick Santorum plans to do about all these babies being born naked.
As a professional figure skater AND as a mother, I can tell you my lying is getting out of hand.
Saw a guy the other day with no tattoos or piercings, just whistling as he walked.
There's some crazy shit out there, man.
Has it really been 75 million years already?
RIP Dinosaurs. Gone too soon.
How am I supposed to make a baby when there are no directions on the side of this Baby Powder?
Pancakes again, I guess.
"Ha Ha! Michael Phelps came in 4th!" - People who couldn't come in 10,000th.
I'm old enough to remember when "Moves Like Jagger" was called "Polio".
Every time a door closes, God opens a window.
Can you say 'obsessive compulsive'?
"Ignore them. They're just jealous. Keep you head held high and continue going forward." - me reacting to all the honking behind my scooter.
I think we need to start calling things Faggy in a good way for once. You know, like Phaggy.
You know, I hate to be one of those armchair critics, but seriously, this armchair sucks.
Isn't it embarrassing when you see someone you're POSITIVE is pregnant but when you mention it, he just glares at you?
I once used a shirtless picture of myself for my AVI.
Change of Topic: Did you know it's possible to have a negative followers count?
Every night I get down on my knees and pray that no one finds out I do girl push-ups.
I find it reprehensab... repreehen...reppre...
No, I'm okay with it.
I'm not completely digital yet. My bathroom still isn't paperless.
I've decided to go as a fat, miserable old man for Halloween.
And by 'go' I mean sit in my recliner.
Creationists are getting worse.
According to Republican arguments these days, the earth (and its subsequent crises) was created in 2009.
I only have one item on my bucket list.
Return bucket for store credit.
What can I say, I'm an optimist.
For the past 20 years I've worked as Professor Stephen Hawking's Stunt Voice in all his productions.