Hazel Hawke has died. As a First Lady, her brand of lamington drive-chic kept Labor in power just as much as PJK's buoyant dollar. Vale.

History may be written by the victor, but this bag of Baked Lay's BBQ will also learn how raped and pillaged is written by the hungry man.

According to  http://ancestry.com  this fuzzy steering wheel cover has been in my family for 3 generations

Today was tomorrow.

There are 2 sides to me.

1. Fuck you.
2. Fuck you.

Thought one: I can feel my ribs

Thought two: wonder what they taste like in barbecue sauce

"Respect the coat. And tame the corduroys." - Frank TJ Maxxy

Be thankful if your baby has back. Lots of babies are born without backs & it's really sad cause no one wants to date those kinds of babies.

she can't eat soup. it's too confusing. and now i'm confused

Lung butter still counts as a food right?

ffffuuuuuuuuck Lulu get your life together

I've said this before & I'll say it again...people steal the damnedest tweets!

I pretty much assume that all of you out there actually have penises.

If you think about it, jockstraps also make pooping during athletic activity more convenient.

I learned how to shoot a rifle at summer camp.
Also, I taught myself how to apply pressure to wounds, and how to drag bodies by horseback.

I can only be me. Even when I don't really feel up to it.

I'll dog ear a Kindle, I don't give a fuck.

Finally figured out the things I should look for in a girlfriend but that type of woman is way out of my league now

I must have caught a computer virus because it hurts when IP.

My employment contract only rules out tweets about dead-end jobs..