Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
I pour myself a cup of tea, but forget to drink it.
Somehow, that never happens with beer.
Ellen’s selfie has been retweeted 3 million times, the most popular person on earth is a married lesbian…
Why are we debating gay marriage?
These beers taste like I have no idea where my kids are.
If you do actually have a 'hater' you MAY be a cunt.
Don't worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I was just moderately rocking out to the Rolling Stones in a cafe and a girl asked me what band it was. I used restraint, people. Restraint.
Linkedin is suggesting I add my Twitter account to my profile. Do they want me to get fired and never be able to work again?
I'll be honest, I don't actually like stripclubs. I find them demeaning and degrading. Paying $12 for a beer makes me feel like such a whore
If a picture says a thousand words, why do you need 22 hashtags on your Instagram photographs?
The 80's will forever remembered as the decade that guitar solos needed to be played with your mouth open.
My wife told me she was pregnant. I said, "that's impossible, you never have sex, ....I mean WE never have sex". Nice save... wait...
If I was a proctologist, I would ask every patient on the way out, "Was I wearing a watch when you came in?"
Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me how she had a worse day than me.
If life is a highway I don’t want to ride it all night long, I’d like to ride it for a bit longer than that.
Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.
People who use the internet to hurt people are failures at life.
Could you imagine Goldilocks in a sex shop?
This ones too big, this ones too small, this one doesn’t have a rabbit…
Heard "Crying" by Roy Orbison. I hate when they start playing holiday songs this early.
When you Star me I do a private dance because for that one minute I know you Favored me...so feel free to Star away