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Are the people claiming the new Ghostbusters ruined their childhood aware of the four shitty transformer films?
The world is a weird place, my girlfriend refuses to make eye contact during a blowjob but my dog insists on it while he's taking a shit.
My dreams are like the Kennedys, all the best ones are dead.
Angry men, instead of complaining about an all female version of Ghostbusters why not go out and make a male version of Thelma and Louise.
The people who don't care and the people who care but do nothing look the same.
Immigration is like marriage. If you are only looking for a person exactly like you it’s going to be really boring & probably not work out.
Thanks a lot UK, you've just made the Rio olympics awkward for the rest of us.
The EU got a text message at 3am which said "you up?"
I'm always amazed the rest of the world doesn't think & feel the same way the small group of people I associate with does.
I wonder who the EU is going to hook up with on the rebound?
Let someone online know you have real feelings for them by sending them a death threat.
Is it too late to rename it "Acquaintancebook"?
Next time an old person comments on young people being obsessed with their electronic devices take them to any place with poker machines.
We have been framing the climate change argument all wrong, we should be forecasting how many sporting events are likely to be affected.
If moths think that a light bulb is the sun aren't they surprised that it's not as big as they imagined it?
I wish my cock had stopped working before my body got unfuckable.
Whenever you feel like making generalisations about people just remember Adolph Hitler was a vegetarian and an artist.
Girls want a guy who is both honest & has a sense of humour but don’t appreciate either when asking "do these jeans make my butt look big?"
Baddest man in whole damn town
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