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Instagram is a great way to capture memories from a life you didn’t actually lead.
Thanks google, it’s the Dmitri, Mendeleev, the guy who did the opening sequence for Breaking Bad’s birthday.
It's 2016, isn't it about time the penis went metric?
Sex is like dancing. It's always embarrassing if you get caught doing it alone.
The early bird catches the worm but it’s also the one that runs into all the spider webs.
How come the Incredible Hulk doesn’t wear spandex? If your super power is getting huge, the stretchy pants would probably really help.
I wonder if Pluto has Venus envy?
Superheroes, add insult to injury by defeating your enemies while wearing tights.
The TV show Walking Dead isn't very realistic, shouldn't there be at least some obese zombies?
What would happen if Kevin Bacon converted to Islam?
NASA add insult to injury by calling the planet they found "New Pluto".
I imagine things are a little awkward for the San Bernardino husband and wife suicide terrorists and the 72 virgins they were given.
Don't make your favourite song your alarm,, it's the quickest way to hate it.
“What’s the deal with chin ups, you don’t use your chin, you use your lats. They should be called lat ups!” – Bodybuilding stand-up comedy.
Do you ever wonder if online outrage is just some huge Pavlov’s dog type experiment that the media are playing on us?
No one will think you're a serial killer if you didn't have a cat growing up but try telling someone you didn't have a dog...
David Bowie is like my dad. I really wish I'd gotten to know him while he was still alive.
Baddest man in whole damn town
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