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The fatal flaw in playing hard to get is assuming men understand subtlety.
Scared of dying alone? Try drink driving, you're bound to take someone with you.
Sometimes people find one of my tweets that's over 12 months old and I think "Did I write that?"
“I have nothing to declare except my genius and these bananas” – Oscar Wilde entering Australia.
There’s a certain schadenfreude associated with using the word schadenfreude.
I had a hallucination where I foresaw the bloody death of Zooey Deschanel’s career in an illadvised Dorothy Parker biopic called “Parker”
Do kids these days know what a “Milkman” is or do they just assume he was a calcium rich superhero?
Empower women, call lesbians morebians.
I just got added to a twitter list called “Not-Famous”… ouch!
I heard a bit of mystery is great for keeping a marriage alive so I started having an affair in secret.
Is it wrong to put yourself on the sex offenders register so kids don’t come to your house trick or treating?
Your mouth is saying “no” but your neck tattoo is saying “stab him and take his wallet”