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Mexican hairless is either a type of dog or a porn preference.
If you keep your friends close & your enemies even closer won't your friends wonder "why's he always hanging out with that asshole?"
Life's too short to read your Buffy vegan fan fiction.
Pigs and humans share 98% of our DNA which apparently is a reason not to eat them but not a reason to have sex with them.
I’m not sure what is more upsetting, finding out Prince has died or finding out his full name was Prince Rogers Nelson.
Who are these Supermen that aren't so filled with self loathing after masturbating they can leave comments on a youporn video?
Maybe vegans are always talking veganism to cover up their farts.
The only generalisation you should ever make about a group of people is that they are people.
Doing yoga at the beach is the new sitting in a cafe writing your "novel".
There's a woman at my work and the only way to describe her is she looked in the mirror in 1993 and said to herself "nailed it!".
Why is Thai food like a threesome on Gilligan's Island?
It always contains Ginger
43 is the new 39.
Bros before Hoes is a great way of remembering the order those words appear in the dictionary.
Your Soul is like your eyes, eventually it adjusts to the darkness.
In England it's spelt "tweating".
I was going to take back the night but I lost my receipt.
You can't really say diamonds are a girl's best friend. A girl has never called a diamond a stuck up bitch while drunk at 3 in the morning.
Is pooping a question mark a bad or a good omen?
A seventh of the planet's population is on Facebook. It's this century's Black Plague.
Baddest man in whole damn town
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