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Would Anne Frank have been a Belieber? No. In fact, millions blindly following an idiot is why she was in that attic.
To everyone mad about Joe Paterno's statue being taken down - just look the other way & pretend it's not happening.
No sex ed. No birth control. Pregnant? No abortion. Have a kid? Stay home. No income? No assistance. #GOPplanforwomen
Zuckerberg lecturing Obama on privacy is like, I don't know, lecturing on human rights from Russia?
Shoutout to the customer today who said, "I'm looking for a book called 'Collected Essays.' I don't know the author."
I don't understand how someone can have no regrets about killing someone. I have regrets over how I made dinner tonight.
Finally, a team brave enough to speak up for rich, white men. #RomneyRyan2012
No Country For Non-White Men #RepublicanMovies
It's now officially easier to break into the White House than it is to vote in Ohio.
North Carolina, your status as the good Carolina is now under review.
Dick Cheney got a heart. Now if W. gets a brain and Colin Powell gets some courage, Condi can click her heels & go home.
I feel bad for unsexy vampires, forever trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of media stereotypes.
Acceptable voting IDs in Texas include a driver's license, a gun license, or a Bush/Cheney 2004 bumper sticker.
Tampa to be declared a major disaster area next week. Also, there might be a hurricane.
The system ain't broke. It's fixed.
Bristol Palin is my least favorite Kardashian.
Ebola is Obamacare for Benghazi (?)
It's called a Republican wave because of all the poor and marginalized people who will be drowning.
The people who die vs. the people who live is bullshit, man.
Everybody knows how aggressive weed makes you. Meant to tweet this earlier, but my phone was across the room.
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