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Playing with my daughters. I hope there's no muthafuckin snakes on this muthafuckin Barbie™ plane!
OMG! It's gorgeous outside! I'm riding with my top down! I wish I had a convertible!
Quick show of hands. Who thinks I can eat this entire pan of brownies I made before the last one gets cold?
To do: bitch about to do list ✔
Getting out of bed, reluctantly I might add, but these kids aren't gonna yell at themselves.
I believe you CAN, in fact, trust a big butt and a smile. Related: trust me
This is where I draw the line ______. See? There. I drew it.
I can't believe some of these nuts alrdy have their Halloween decorations up! Oops! Brb! The wind just blew my giant inflated punkin over!
So Disney has it's first black princess! First? But I've been here all along! Whatevs! *rolls eyes, adjusts tiara*
As long as their butts are still visible, I don't care what their pants look like. So what team are we talking about?
I'm gonna need my family to go naked for a week or so if I'm ever gonna get caught up with laundry.
On the bright side, having received tickets in the mail from each and every 1 of 'em, I now *know* where all of the town's speed cams are.
Brushed my teeth w/ Dora the Explorer toothpaste by mistake this morning now I'm all "where r we going?" (clap clap clap) "Blueberry Hill!"
At the home show. I know, I know! This rock star life gets to be a bit much, even for me, sometimes! Ooh look! Fireplace inserts! brb...
So excited! Just saw trailer for Bring It On 14: Senior Year! ...I'm guessing they mean senior as in 65+
Watching my girls do naked ballet in the shower; proof that kids watch what you do more so than they listen to what u say.
Rmbr Elvira from UP All Night? That's me, w/o wig,makeup,creepy dress. I mean, I hv all that, just not wearing it... I can go put it on; brb
My girls were up b4 6am; & by girls I don't mean boobs. Related: If u refer to your boobs as girls, u totally suck. Still don't mean boobs.
"Cath Me If You Can" -a documentary about a deadly game played by hospital staff across the country. #removeoneletterfilms
Feed a fish, he lives for a day. Forget to feed him for days, he dies. Apparently.
Dialing it down to mediocre is harder than you think!
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