Fourteen years after development was announced, Duke Nukem Forever has just gone gold.

Your move, TextMate 2.

PEOPLE OF THE AIRPORT LISTEN TO ME

BOARDING DOES NOT BEGIN FOR 10 MINUTES

LET US STAND BEFORE THE GATE AS ONE, FOR FEAR THE PLANE IS A LIE

It’s times like this I wish I’d chosen a more apocalypse-compatible profession. Like a guy who makes sheep or however farming works.

I dream of a future where cars fly, education is free, and external hard drives don’t need to be manually ejected.

NEW BAND NAME: Adobe Photoshop and the Force-Quits

1. Downloaded The Daily.
2. Installed The Daily.
3. Read http://www.thedaily.com/privacy/
4. Deleted The Daily.

WYSIWTF

I’m a simple man: I only want a warm bed, a hot meal, and for cars to explode whenever their drivers don’t use turn signals.

It is the year 2047. World peace achieved. Cancer has been cured. I can reliably grab the bottom corner of a text box in Photoshop.

@simplebits IN HTML14 THERE WILL BE ONE TAG

ONE

IT WILL BE GLORIOUS

I miss my daylight.

THANKS FARMERS

this is how i make web pages http://t.co/UGRHrV7B

One six year-old boy to another: “Well, YOUR site is doubleyou-doubleyou-doubleyou-doubleyou-doubleyou-doubleyou-BUTT.”

Good one, kid.

Sorry, I can’t look at the Internet right now—I’m installing an Adobe product. Please leave a URL at the tone.

I just discovered you can add animated GIFs to Keynote presentations.

I…I really shouldn’t have this information.

-webkit-tableflip

“I’ve been reading through your book. And occasionally, I find a phrase in common English and underline it.” — My 101 year-old grandmother

siri how the fuck do i delete the stocks app

PEOPLE OF THE PLANE LISTEN TO ME

WHEN THE SEATBELT LIGHT GOES OFF STAND UP IMMEDIATELY OR YOUR SPOT IN THE NON-MOVING LINE WON’T BE ASSURED

PEOPLE IN ROWS 19 THROUGH 32 LISTEN TO ME

WHEN THE SEATBELT LIGHT’S TURNED OFF STAND UP IMMEDIATELY

OTHERWISE THE PLANE MAY FLY AWAY AGAIN