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  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Shit, made a face when I saw a man's deformed hand on an elevator; had to keep my face contorted so every1 would think thats my normal look

    • 37
    • FAVS
    dooperheroMothpeteCseashellsmbeazy13bratfourieKirstenBlowerschloorkop_trekCheetohFace
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    amyehechthooleeaCaseySG__________favstar_popjesseknaackaczajaka_anam_carakramediggles
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    I invented putting funny captions on cat photos YEARS ago! Except I used photos of my ex-girlfriend instead of cats. And called it lolcunts.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    dooperheroMothpeteCseashellsCheetohFacebratfourieGemmaRWrightxoxoxtinaSelaSmella
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    bloke07caiproshka69fubaraczajnailykoderiJulesJulietta_mishal__________petebeat
    aczajpetebeat
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    What's that, Angry Birds? You want me to kill my parents?

    • 28
    • FAVS
    mbeazy13bratfourieCheetohFaceMurseBrianRNcutefianceebenissexGagerradthejonjohn
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    farleftcoastBlackyodarachiecandice
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    "Here's some molten chapstick, dumbass!" My dryer, every week

    • 27
    • FAVS
    bratfouriexoxoxtinacutefianceebenissexGagerradthejonjohnjohnnydeeeeethweets
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WhatThaFudge______
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Was really excited about this trailer for a new horror movie until I realized it was just a tampon commercial.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    SkrodladawgMankosaurusbratfouriexoxoxtinasimon2271ficklepickle13____k_thrilla__Lab____________
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    mcronicrMankosaurusbratfourieficklepickle13____petebeat
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    I'm part Mexican but I haven't told many people about this. I guess I'm just afraid to come out of the janitor's closet.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    bratfouriexoxoxtinaCheetohFacecutefianceeGagerradthejonjohnbrakunandonJoeyCz
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    aczajLaurali88
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    You ever get so drunk that you begin to speak in cursive?

    • 13
    • FAVS
    VeeGordiegarrettnCheetohFaceAMNelson999notnotlukejenathondammit_emmasusanis26
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    aczajheather_joyjenathonpetebeatLaurali88
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    "Live with me if you want to come" -Arnold to household staffer

    • 15
    • FAVS
    bratfouriethejonjohnfarleftcoastbrakunandonJoeyCzericas_twitjshbckHairyJew4Life
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JoeyCzpetebeat
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Anyone know a good four letter word for "snatch?"

    • 15
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFaceGagerradthejonjohnbrakunandonWordsOfaHookerrachiecandiceVerifiedDrunk
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    aczaj
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Twitter thinks adding friends from my address book will "make twitter better." As if I care what dozens of pizza places are up to right now.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    etyjandrokmayboothLastMermaid__alexualhealingeddy_liebe________aczajCkadamclar
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    eddy_liebe________gunarpantspetebeat
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    According to my browser history, I recently was curious if lions bury their poop like housecats. Google search history will betray me 1 day.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFacecutefianceeDellainaMarieLicoriceNipples______possum_plaguehell_or_high______dammit_emma
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    petebeat
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Credit card machines always say "approved" after payment. Glad to know my bank approves of my purchase of a KitKats and personal lubricant.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFaceGagerradthejonjohnHairyJew4LifeOrvllShrednbchrNrseBBWCaseyMcCollum
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Feminism is sooo adorable.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFacecutefianceeGagerradthejonjohnWordsOfaHookerrachiecandiceTequilaTears
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    samannthasnyderaczaj
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    "Want to find out what the poor people from your neighborhood were up to last night? Tune in tonight at 8." -the local news

    • 10
    • FAVS
    dooperheropetebeataczajMothpetedesi_princessburgerkrangPsycholystSassafrasGully
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Hey, fellow men, I've got a tip for you: Clear your search history before giving a presentation in front of 100 people. You'll thank me.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    bratfouriexoxoxtinacutefianceeGagerradthejonjohnpetebeatWordsOfaHookerb_luca____________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    BunnyMellon
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    I hate when my chemistry jokes end with no reaction.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    aczajdooperheropetebeatZamirasulwhaaatthetuckTheLifeOfByronEricMartenjaymeisterrr
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Ghazzzojaymeisterrr
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    Imagine my coworkers' horror after I walked into work with a milk mustache from breakfast after a coworker had just left to nurse her baby..

    • 7
    • FAVS
    vladchocduhhitsethanMichaelTKennedytankdogc27________petebeataczajkramediggles
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    MichaelTKennedytankdogc27________petebeat
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    "Will eat cans for food." -homeless goat

    • 8
    • FAVS
    bratfourieGageBostonStabilizer_BathPurld__Lab____________iheartsoups__isleepinyourhatpetebeat
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    petebeatAvatar_unknown_48
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    I would say that Jews are incapable of conveying true meaning irregardless of word choice, but I'm just being antisemantic.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFaceGagerradWordsOfaHookerHairyJew4LifeHans_BrixxTequilaTearsaczaj
    aczaj
  • benissex
      Ben The Great @benissex

    The hardest part of going fishing is probably keeping it reel.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    bratfourieCheetohFaceMurseBrianRNcutefianceepossum_plaguepetebeataczajkramediggles
@benissex

@benissex

Word.