@benmarvin's (Osama Ben Marvin) most faved Tweets...
Let's be websites for Halloween. I'll be Google with 99.9% "uptime" and you can be Twitter and go down on me.
I love how they put "Please don't litter" on the top of the Pabst can in tiny lettering. Psh, like I can read that at 3am driving at 90 mph.
Unfollowing people is hard. To make it easier, I like to whisper "fag" before I click the remove button.
My girlfriend said she wants me to be more aggressive in the bedroom, so I invited Chris Brown, Ike Turner and a rabid badger to join us.
Thinking about your current girlfriend while jerking off is like going to the dealership to test drive a car you already own.
It's obvious that Ed Hardy is gay. No straight man would decide he would rather design clothing than solve mysteries with his brothers.
I can't wait till Rick Astley dies so I can hear 9,386,284 jokes about how he gave us up and let us down.
I'm such an asshole. I like to take two newspapers from the machine for the price of one. Then put a kitten inside and close it.
Jesus turned water into wine, but I can make plywood into an awesome cabinet and turn beer into pee.
Everytime I look at a cougar, I get turned off by her leathery skin. Then I think "Hey, that's somebody's mom" and the boner's back in town.
If Snapple is made from the best stuff on Earth, then why don't they list pussy on the ingredients list?
All the pictures saved on my phone are either naked women or cabinets I've built. Just like Jesus would have on his Android phone.
Does Obama's healthcare plan include anything about preventing fat chicks from wearing spandex? You know, for the health of my eyes.
They say that eating an apple will wake you up better than coffee. BUT HOLY FUCK, HAVE YOU TRIED COCAINE?
Her: I hate it when people tweet conversations they have with other people. They look like losers. Me: Yeah, losers.
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