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  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.

    • 222
    • FAVS
    misterbrymoMrOrenWagnerMidniteRider00Feldspar79oom_dendarkdraggonBalutlvvzz
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    wendyhuffmanmisterbrymoFeldspar79OhReallyRach______Ozheaps12114CookiesGonestella_bells______Isgrigg_43
    GreenishDuck
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Let's be websites for Halloween. I'll be Google with 99.9% "uptime" and you can be Twitter and go down on me.

    • 292
    • FAVS
    OhReallyRach______trialfemmebucmachinemyles_morrisongigglegirlnoelpartiallyprolvvzzkiebk
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    trialfemmeMrUptimeNinjaJeniScagnettikiebk
    JeniScagnetti
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I just posted "How do I find answers using Google.com?" on Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero.

    • 229
    • FAVS
    sil3ncedOhReallyRach______wekneweachotherlvvzzvaporcoffinWillySprayVyruskr_shailendraMissHurricanez
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    BeatsForFreaksActuallySamsil3ncedthanklokdtanikellavaghtikeaasthaamustaches4lyfe
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I love how they put "Please don't litter" on the top of the Pabst can in tiny lettering. Psh, like I can read that at 3am driving at 90 mph.

    • 236
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettibigpoppaLAQlvvzzMrZMasterduplicitronMissHurricanezhairicaaa_Tweetlejuice____
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    bigpoppaLAQkrislynchanderloyFavstar500FavsSkookum86favstar1000favstehprofessorgaryd
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I'M JUST GOING TO FAV EVERYTHING YOU SAY EVEN IF IT'S NOT FUNNY CAUSE YOU'RE A HOT CHICK FROM THE INTERNET AND I WANT TO MAKE FUCK WITH YOU.

    • 230
    • FAVS
    michaelnugentTheMidnightAcebotanicazillaJeniScagnettilvvzz_Prozach74________hairicaaaMissHurricanez
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    botanicazillaPastel_rainbowsFavstar500Favsiamjamesashfordmakilele__wil_m____________ClarkMFKentAlekBoskovic
    YUCKYBOT
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I'm like a cupcake, I'll go straight to your ass, girl.

    • 216
    • FAVS
    Bry_Belairemichaelnugentlburcaw1bucmachinesarrahlouiseLicoriceNipples______Balutlvvzz
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    lburcaw1MarieStylesFreshCoffey______JeniScagnettiWhatTheBoobdiacidal__________heyyoufuckthisdixie_lee_peas
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    You might be the sharpest tool in the workshop, but you're still a tool.

    • 179
    • FAVS
    lvvzz_Prozach74________hairicaaaMissHurricanezIamPosey__________ray12a____________peteecOldGloryTees
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    cmzalendo_iNode_Nvaghtikeohhbabylovejustme_pedrofalmc___abellmasWidden_
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I genuinely have a really difficult time distinguishing between people with actual mental disabilities and people with southern accents.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettilvvzz_Prozach74________botanicazillaMissHurricanezhairicaaaIamPosey__________Laurdasha
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Ozheaps121chippateLaurdashaBroerBikkelcrapulentPastel_rainbowsFavstar500Favssalsero69
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Boobs: Once you've seen one pair, they're all still pretty awesome.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettilvvzzAnelly04JessicaFancy_bossnovaTortilla_Nazimazid_2012_Prozach74________
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Reddeferya_Prozach74________medialuxARRJAYKAYFavstar500Favsmahale89curtidos3favstar1000favs
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Unfollowing people is hard. To make it easier, I like to whisper "fag" before I click the remove button.

    • 175
    • FAVS
    michaelnugentlvvzzMissHurricanezhairicaaaIamPosey__________ray12a____________BebeTarantinobotanicazilla
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_Dzinkahfavstar1000favsDaveMcInnes
    lafix
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Favstar isn't down. Your jokes just suck.

    • 158
    • FAVS
    lvvzzMissHurricanezhairicaaaIamPosey__________ray12a____________TheTurdBurglarRebeccaLucenteThatTokenMaggi
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsepisodedifishDizzblnd__________favstar1000favsBluMaGiQfreerobbyehadatogi
    episod
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    It's obvious that Ed Hardy is gay. No straight man would decide he would rather design clothing than solve mysteries with his brothers.

    • 157
    • FAVS
    _DannyEvans_lvvzzMissHurricanezGreeblehaushairicaaabotanicazillaAPaintedMindray12a____________
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    APaintedMindGuydelines________favstar1000favsFreakdadtonninski________eugeneweifaifaifaifaizup2u2
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I love my fucking job, but not as much as my job loves fucking me.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettilvvzzMissHurricanezGreeblehausray12a____________botanicazillaRebeccaLucentephishhd333
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    lucyspet__________SweetDickwhitandrewc4Ljennyjane73Capo_Di_AwesomeMeganRSmartchan_chan_man__Jake_W
    tnylgn
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Thinking about your current girlfriend while jerking off is like going to the dealership to test drive a car you already own.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    michaelnugentLeviathanPridebarewalledbucmachinelicoricepirateTheHoyBoy_________BassToddJeniScagnetti
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    bachlor4lifeJeniScagnettifavstar1000favsTylerStills
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Making a big deal out of being an athiest is just as bad as someone shoving their religion on you.

    • 132
    • FAVS
    lvvzzzapata131MissHurricanezGreeblehausRebeccaLucenteazzmanfairlydizzy______Ronyo
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    TheMidnightAceperizzlockmanicDannyShanahanxgrff____________Favstar500Favsandrea_floreszierlich_alex
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    My girlfriend said she wants me to be more aggressive in the bedroom, so I invited Chris Brown, Ike Turner and a rabid badger to join us.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettilvvzzMissHurricanezray12a____________botanicazillaRebeccaLucentelcsptOrigiNessence
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfavstar1000favs
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    I can't wait till Rick Astley dies so I can hear 9,386,284 jokes about how he gave us up and let us down.

    • 138
    • FAVS
    lvvzzMissHurricanezray12a____________fairlydizzy______lcsptthetexass________esmexdOrigiNessence
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    ZippyBippyfavstar1000favs_KarenAnnjonathan_poncekay_dubbayoo
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Glitter is probably the hardest STD to get rid of.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    JeniScagnettiMissHurricanezGreeblehausray12a____________botanicazillaRebeccaLucentetwilighteyes08ThatTokenMaggi
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsDizzblnd__________urbanphishsarcastibiotchfavstar1000favspoppingrocksdmc_sunflowerMRJONB
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Dreamcatchers work. If you're trying to catch gay.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    michaelnugentray12a____________botanicazillaRebeccaLucentebllixlcsptchocolakaistbsteve
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Ozheaps121favstar1000favsexsurferShadarAuditorfrancogeremia
  • benmarvin
      Breakfast Taco @benmarvin

    Everytime I look at a cougar, I get turned off by her leathery skin. Then I think "Hey, that's somebody's mom" and the boner's back in town.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    michaelnugentbotanicazillaray12a____________RebeccaLucenteazzmantwilighteyes08lcsptDavidKlein5
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsbrandonpittmanmzjleetilerdfavstar1000favsMaggie4ObamaDizzblnd__________
@benmarvin

@benmarvin
Pro

Just a taco. In space.