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HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA WISH SOMEONE WOULD TURN ON THE FUCKING AIR CONDITIONING
Bring your taco to work day.
"Her missing L goes in my 'bolth'."
A guy just sneezed on my foot a little but he's really hot?
So I'm at Chili's. Alone. This is a new low.
Did somebody say tacos
Yippee ki yay motherfucker
First date idea: Ride a tandem bike off a cliff.
It's never too early for weird sex.
I'm about to throw an HTC one in the street.
Yesterday I ate a burger that had fried mac & cheese patties as a bun and now everything without fried mac & cheese patties fucking sucks.
I feel like my Twitter accounts need a Wiki
How many yards have I peed in? Like, ever, or lately?
Damn boy, are you a Popsicle stand? Because I wanna blow you.
FOURTH MEAL IS REAL
*Kim is licking the wet ball of Prada bags she just gave birth to. Kanye takes off his sunglasses to reveal more sunglasses*