the lost boys would beat the shit out of those twilight fags.

Found myself enjoying lager with a dash of lime recently, hope this isn't the first sign of me growing a vagina.

Might start retweeting people in real life. When they say something good il shout 'RETWEET!' then repeat what they say.

I drink enough for people to judge me but not enough for alcoholics to accept me.

I like my women like my beachballs. Fat and bouncy.

My views on the twilight saga are the same as my views on peadophilia. I'm just not a fan.

shitting myself and screaming on the bus just for attention. I blame you guys for not giving me enough stars.

my 300th follower will be hunted down and aggressively hugged.

Idea for a game show. Two rapists in a room trying to rape each other. The rapiest raper wins. The prize? Rape.

Nice avi, shame about the tweet.

Scared that one day Blink 182 and Green Day will collaborate and make an immensely shitty album together. Seriously, this is my worst fear

Auto correct is systematically, one by one destroying any real life friendships and relationships I have.

oh no! loads of my Facebook friends are coming over to Twitter, quick, hide!

How much salt do I need to kill someone?

Jesus, this girl thinks everything is 'cute'. I'm going to start talking about the Cambodian genocide, that should shut her up.

i like my woman like my clowns. Way too much make up and humongous feet

Someone on Facebook just 'liked' jam. Spread that shit around guys.

9 out of every 10 racists love Indian food.

wouldn't put it past most of you to rape a care bear.

Drunk Italian's on a bus after a 12 hour shift. Well played God, well played.