"I wanna be sedated" ~ me, any time that I'm not sedated

Just heard the Lil Wayne mountain dew commercial...wish he spoke English...or I was as stoned as he sounds

Did Chaka Khan ever let that guy rock her or what?

Just had a nervous breakdown trying to fold a fitted sheet :(

Family takes the fun out of functions

The teenage boy at Subway who took my order called me "miss" instead of "ma'am". He's my new best friend

Get out of the break room! I only need to use the microwave for 20 seconds, but I can't risk having to talk to someone for that long

Cleaning out my closet for first time in a decade. I'm convinced there's a ghost living in there...a ghost with awful taste in clothes :(

Note to self...it would be a lot easier to clean the bathroom if I did it more than bi-annually

How is Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on The Learning Channel? 950 of my brain cells just committed suicide while watching this show

Hey bitch in the BMW suv...I WILL play demolition derby with you on my way to work. I don't give a fuck

What about me exactly made you think I want to talk to you? Cuz I need to nip that shit in the bud immediately

Who keeps letting Sylvester Stallone be in movies? Stop it. Just stop it.

I despise kiss asses/brown nosers/suck ups/douchebags...and everyone else for that matter

Hearing u speak for 3 minutes just made my IQ go down 55 points...I'm in real trouble since I was dumb to begin with :(

Holla! Is that still cool for white people to say??? Hope so...it's the bomb digity yo! Word...

Inbred people should mutate so their mouths are sealed shut...and their vajayjays too

"I hate you" ~ me to someone who can't seem to shut up for 2 seconds

Do you think this 12 pack of caffeine free diet mountain dew from 2003 is a collectors item by now? Treasure found while cleaning the house!

The sound of your voice makes me want to run into oncoming traffic