Hey girl, you must be an mlb umpire because you keep missing my calls.

If Greinke would have been allowed to carry a concealed weapon, none of this would have happened. Thanks Obama.

For every person that retweets this and I ever meet you, I'll buy you a drink. A little help..... #hirebenny http://t.co/CvEXOr6E

That's a clown tweet bro RT @darrenrovell: From the business side: Each perfect game that is thrown devalues the whole group a bit more.

AROD and Ryan Howard walk into Best Buy. When asked if they need any help they both respond "No thanks, just looking" #Yankees #Phillies

@thesulk could you be more Pacific?

Not going to top this RT @nealbrennan: A fake person who loved you, then died? Isn't that what Notre Dame is all about?

I just cried RT @lana: all of these Romo closeups look like they need to be accompanied with a Sarah McLachlan song

Ahh umm RT "@lana: #KinslerDickGrab RT @baseballdo: WTF????“@richwinemc: @baseballdo @tweetgrubes ? http://t.co/P6msnI61”"

@normmacdonald You're telling me you bet on the fight in Rocky III and you bet against Rocky?

Derek Jeter, seeing the Lakers score, is trying to remind the bandwagon Laker fans that the Yankees were their original bandwagon team.

McGwire won't want to talk about the fight after the game because it was in the past.

Hey girl, you must be a database because I want to SELECT number FROM you WHERE response=yes group by us.

Hey girl, you must hide the ball well in your delivery because you're hard to pick up.

I always see tweets about it but...there's no element called Human in the periodic table.

Tweet of year RT @thefakeespn Penn State to keep Joe Paterno statue, but will rotate it so it's looking the other way.

"Touch of @spacemnkymafia" by Just For Men

@bill_tpa....official #FSNHuskyBoy http://t.co/MTM3xPjI

WGN just showed videos of Bin Laden trying to watch baseball on Saturdays but then vowing jihad when FOX blacked out all the games.

Nooo Danny Valencia! RT @spacemnkymafia THEY ARE BUSING IN POLICE OFFICERS TO 16TH AND VALENCIA