Wanna never be friends? Whenever someone clearly describes what they like and why, just reply with, "You're obsessed!"

Romney is literally whining. He's 65.

At the beginning of the relationship it's "any friend of yours is a friend of mine" and soon becomes, "i hate all of your friends so much."

Nobody that drinks is watching that shit. RT "@erikgriffin: Take a shot every time @keithurban says #baby #Americanidol"

Rob Ford and Dear Zachary have shattered Canada for me.

@mileycyrus I've been pitching "fuck posers" as a Disney series for 6 years.

@tenminpod holy shit. Laughed s'ord. Supervisor at day job is s'pissed.

I JUST SAW A VIDEO OF A BABY PIG SAVING A BABY GOAT FROM DROWNING NOW I WANT A WIFE

Here's the thing with podcasts, you really have to be some kind of weirdo to listen to an hour long conversation that you're not a part of.

For you, Angelo: http://t.co/25VwvFOy

Obama's next speech; "I don't care if you're gay or straight or as high as shit, this is America. Let's all hang out."

There's a whole world outside of your face. Take a picture of something else.

@missmayn it is possible to be a gentleman in the streets and a choke women out in the sheets.

Girl at work said, "I'm so nauseous right here." and put her hand on her sternum.

You hear, "that little boy is going to be a heartbreaker," A LOT more often than, "that little girl is really going to whore it up one day."

@tenminpod this is fucking bullshit. halloween ruined.

This poof of hair that has become popular makes you look like you're inviting Jeff Dunham to put his hand in your butthole.

If you hear a sentence start with an informative, "a real man..," then you're about to hear some stupid shit.

"The guy who invented frisbees was cremated and made into a frisbee and that is real shit
google it" - @thebabiamajora

I didn't realize why it was called a 'Restroom' until I got a day job. I'm just hanging out in here, lately.