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  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Czechoslovakia before you Wreckoslovakia

    • 1,102
    • FAVS
    epicaricacistaveaveaveave11sampagnepapinicehandwritingtrentalzMeghanVarnumjon_freedWhiskeyMcTango
    • 939
    • RETWEETS
    stark206NellzATCKatarina_MM_Norris_samrios17ValeriyaStoevajackiefishermanhashtagtrips
    GavinProbablynaazihahwarholearymarebyteskristensauce______
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Did we ever stop and ask daylight if it even *wanted* to be saved??

    • 712
    • FAVS
    UGANDANCRAZYbeejonesbabytamis_02TrapperDaveBizarreLazarGirl_CensoredICountBeanssdapptrap
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYbeejonesbabyTrapperDaveGirl_CensoredVanilla_cupcakPaolaIvonne17ekazziieemmawest_
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Send me your home address and I'll mail you a personal drawing of your favorite animal as long as its a buffalo.

    • 709
    • FAVS
    LiloKiinDylFremlinalittlefield7seeareuhjeffersonevans2hyneskathDMjwright2juiceliker
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    maddy_lbMollyGooTheRealRHBtylermcjunkin26natg124Jay1972Jaylynda_vazquezfavstar_history
    DanielRCarrilloayyhluscuFragileFriend____weinerdog4life__SlickestOfRicksduplicitron
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    "You can find me in the Club" - Bacon to Tomato.

    • 340
    • FAVS
    StenBillerSuper_SplendiddGirl_Censored_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpiesundressed__KingPatrick24
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    StenBillerfavstar_historyGirl_Censoredsundressed__jennalynn518__8_Jefe_8ilayewMyChucksAndMe
    brzandt
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Teach a parrot to say: "Help I'm a human being in the body of a bird, imprisoned by a dark wizard."

    • 283
    • FAVS
    DapperSociopathMacKooliokontradonNerdyMindsMagHelloPasternakvladchocPhinallyHereIAmKatieOrr
    • 124
    • RETWEETS
    jegheterbellaHelloPasternakPhinallyHereRasbanda_ManolohinatydeKaliebGibson21WJMolinaristaceouterspace
    navesssaOConnellComedy
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.

    • 232
    • FAVS
    radicaljocyjenmumawlalush56TheDairylandDondirty07westsideBizarreLazarGlove_MonkeyGirl_Censored
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyjenmumawhbrewer27JudithBleherTheREALSaloSionGirl_CensoredSchemerScreameritgirlLondy
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I'm an environmentalist so I cut my six-pack rings before I heave them into the sea.

    • 285
    • FAVS
    MacKoolioBizarreLazarGirl_CensoredswollenvoiceLoveSexChloecowans_owentweeterjak_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredMaximuscanadius_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishVanilla_cupcakKingPatrick24Aluminiumilismbrittbugs
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Instruct your blind date to meet you at the beach then emerge from beneath the sea on horseback.

    • 234
    • FAVS
    TheMcCannskiFresh_Coffeyjoshmanson89AddledPixieChasetheShadefredburrowsJennaalalalalaJoeMunsterman
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    Fresh_Coffeyjoshmanson89AddledPixieparkerheffernanChucklesDownersailor_silviaJaneBadallGirl_Censored
    dapptrapRowdyBowdenJermHimselfish
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I refuse to play your pretentious little game, Starbucks. I'll have a black coffee in the big cup.

    • 246
    • FAVS
    HelloPasternakKouklamichellePhinallyHereblkftzgrldLizHackettbehindyourbackCawnweyMmmYeahNo
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    PhinallyHereJennBraidottiBran_Chan87i_iroegbuTateRyannWhatevaConcasvpxlandod45williams
    heidi420x
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Threaten someone that they'll be sleeping with the fishes tonight then surprise them with a slumber party at the city aquarium.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    ThisCrazyThingGirl_Censored_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpieBrownDevil3KingPatrick24jennalynn518__
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredGBRougecitysir_jtylermaebemarblesdreamthievinJstudzzNinsunGrosemarybread
    Griffinreborn
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Visualize your timeline as a trek down a barren post-apocalyptic road where each passing stranger leaps out and mutters an insane comment.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    THEBINGBING_COMbeejonesbabyarogue2549Ms_Gainsbourg____d_a_nichjenoftheforrestindaskyesgeo_teira
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    beejonesbabyMs_Gainsbourg____geo_teiraGirl_CensoredfuzzifiedMinnesotaLovelycanadasandraanne_seattle
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Crime Tip: Stab your foe with a living baby narwhal then release the murder weapon back into the wild.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    dougdrieseljrradicaljocyreallyheavycakeLerkyhiitsmollychapel3929dollypartisan_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    MatthewRoysradicaljocyLerkychapel3929dollypartisanVanilla_cupcakTheDairylandDonAdrianYoung10
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Want to feel old? The Anunnaki genetically engineered homo sapiens over 300,000 years ago.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    yaancavalarodarocalderxnLogiqueDentMollySneedLandaDelReyTrivaneshMikeLesiukjawbroken
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    UppercutSlutNoTengoQueHacerjoXnpalendaeIwanttheinsidestoetumz420golem42perich
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    So, I swallowed my pride; I ate all the lions.

    • 161
    • FAVS
    dollypartisan_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpieGoHomeTobyMz908Vanilla_cupcakDanMentos
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyVanilla_cupcakKingPatrick24smickableaemyleyPetoteHaute_MILFFragileFriend____
    Petotespotswoj
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    RL Stine is just a pen name. In real life it's IRL Stine.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    radicaljocycoopdeville_BianBuhcanniballanLicramXTellingTellersPresumingErikJamesWElwood04
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    lanuitsansfininvisibleIightswinereflectionRunJaviRunvalraegonTheCountFgaultcommasarahhimynameiswinry
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    My resume is just a 0:45 clip of me rubbing my belly and patting my head.

    • 158
    • FAVS
    m_a_t_t_lradicaljocyHumor_FetishVanilla_cupcakBrownDevil3smickablemichael_raphoneGBRougecity
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyVanilla_cupcakPeterAgbonzegbeCarolinaSongBruceCampbell33__DarzieDAMN__B0niferdNeutrontrilogy
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    What happens when you pay for a 75 cent item with a dollar? You get a quarterback. Hi, I'm Joe Montana and I'm here to talk about change.

    • 139
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMissy_KellLilbyrdyitgirlLondyswollenvoiceNervesLerge__nightblendwizardofwoz1
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    aliciasighdapptrapmr_shneeblyleechee420aaronupvinniesucksHumor_Fetishfollowcreative
    dsmitty_62
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I want to play truth or dare with a manatee but end up hugging so much.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    KelseyNicradicaljocyDCBellaElla______Ohaiqtpiesmickablemyles_morrisondreamthievin8_Jefe_8
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyFragileFriend____trumpthechumpDarzieDAMN__kamiekaymee__Frozen_BrogurtRobDartTweetsDudeInABearSuit
    duplicitron
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Legally changing my name to include the smiley emoticon with sunglasses.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    radicaljocydapptrapHumor_Fetishsundressed__michael_raphoneGBRougecityjakob_hubermyles_morrison
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocyfavstar_historyFionaJRossBlairLoudlytrillwrighttravisauruss______DarzieDAMN__obi_ian_kenobi
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    A wasp landed on my window just to fix his hairdo in the reflection and ask me if he's looking pretty fly today. He is.

    • 137
    • FAVS
    Humor_FetishBrownDevil3michael_raphonemiIquetoastJKALittleverygenericnameGBRougecityMagoosback
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    mommybuttonsjakob_huberDarzieDAMN__PaulyMosh_Pantojajajafavstar1000favshot_coughy________chamashouse______
@bergified

@bergified

everything always isn't just a little bit wet