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  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Czechoslovakia before you Wreckoslovakia

    • 904
    • FAVS
    geo_teiraBizarreLazarGlove_MonkeyGirl_Censoredmcgarry_nationdeathtoscumbagsJawsTheMusicalcanniballan
    • 778
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_Censoredmcgarry_nationcanniballanMissy_Kellsheeshyeah2013SummitTeamBaxterbixrednetwork306
    GavinProbablynaazihahwarholearymarebyteskristensauce______
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Did we ever stop and ask daylight if it even *wanted* to be saved??

    • 712
    • FAVS
    UGANDANCRAZYbeejonesbabytamis_02TrapperDaveBizarreLazarGirl_CensoredICountBeanssdapptrap
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYbeejonesbabyTrapperDaveGirl_CensoredVanilla_cupcakPaolaIvonne17ekazziieemmawest_
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Send me your home address and I'll mail you a personal drawing of your favorite animal as long as its a buffalo.

    • 428
    • FAVS
    Calderondario_Girl_CensoredTannerTenorkayoldenburghmadisonellewebbmattmanicRaynaTheGreatheidiknits
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredKristineCsiRaynaTheGreathurlariousVanilla_cupcakmr_shneeblytokiakwiIIIgraham______
    DanielRCarrilloayyhluscuFragileFriend____weinerdog4lifeSlickestOfRicksduplicitron
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    "You can find me in the Club" - Bacon to Tomato.

    • 340
    • FAVS
    StenBillerSuper_SplendiddGirl_Censored_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpiesundressedKingPatrick24
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    StenBillerfavstar_historyGirl_Censoredsundressedjennalynn518RapGodJeffreyilayewMyChucksAndMe
    brzandt
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.

    • 228
    • FAVS
    dirty07westsideBizarreLazarGlove_MonkeyGirl_CensoredshannonmastelSchemerScreamerreimeto6ICountBeanss
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredSchemerScreamerpoppy_sevskiH_Elkharboutlydanipresley1CharlieKazandikathybotteasjcdewar
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I'm an environmentalist so I cut my six-pack rings before I heave them into the sea.

    • 284
    • FAVS
    BizarreLazarGirl_CensoredswollenvoiceLoveSexChloecowans_owentweeterjak_Ms_Moneypenny_bananab123
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredMaximuscanadius_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishVanilla_cupcakKingPatrick24Aluminiumilismlordesalamander
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Teach a parrot to say: "Help I'm a human being in the body of a bird, imprisoned by a dark wizard."

    • 251
    • FAVS
    ICountBeanss_Ms_Moneypenny_HousingLadycombatdaveyurgeekisshowingpanTdropperHumor_FetishDCBellaElla______
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    MASH6027benittto10Favstar250sugarboyflyurgeekisshowinghemiteBthe1panTdropperVanilla_cupcak
    navesssaOConnellComedy
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Instruct your blind date to meet you at the beach then emerge from beneath the sea on horseback.

    • 228
    • FAVS
    JennaalalalalaJoeMunstermangeo_teiraJaneBadallGirl_CensoredCarpeAngelaMissy_KellNervesLerge
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    sailor_silviaJaneBadallGirl_CensoredMissy_Kellcluregan19RealShaughndapptrapVanilla_cupcak
    dapptrapRowdyBowdenJermHimselfish
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I refuse to play your pretentious little game, Starbucks. I'll have a black coffee in the big cup.

    • 219
    • FAVS
    ICountBeanss_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishDCBellaElla______BrownDevil3KingPatrick24jennalynn518jamespianka
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    asvpxlandod45williamsrbjoe1EenfidelCorbblah__________StineOBlairLoudlynot_liberal
    heidi420x
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Threaten someone that they'll be sleeping with the fishes tonight then surprise them with a slumber party at the city aquarium.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    ThisCrazyThingGirl_Censored_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpieBrownDevil3KingPatrick24jennalynn518
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredGBRougecitysir_jtylermaebemarblesdreamthievinJstudzzNinsunGrosemarybread
    Griffinreborn
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Visualize your timeline as a trek down a barren post-apocalyptic road where each passing stranger leaps out and mutters an insane comment.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    THEBINGBING_COMbeejonesbabyarogue2549Ms_Gainsbourg____d_a_nichjenoftheforrestindaskyesgeo_teira
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    beejonesbabyMs_Gainsbourg____geo_teiraGirl_CensoredfuzzifiedMinnesotaLovelycanadasandraanne_seattle
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Want to feel old? The Anunnaki genetically engineered homo sapiens over 300,000 years ago.

    • 150
    • FAVS
    yaancavalaroCalderondario_LogiqueDentMollySneedLandaDelReyTrivaneshMikeLesiukjawbroken
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    UppercutSlutNoTengoQueHacerjoXnpalendaeIwanttheinsidestoetumz420golem42perich
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Crime Tip: Stab your foe with a living baby narwhal then release the murder weapon back into the wild.

    • 146
    • FAVS
    reallyheavycakeLerkyhiitsmollychapel3929dollypartisan_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishVanilla_cupcak
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Lerkychapel3929dollypartisanVanilla_cupcakTheDairylandDonAdrianYoung10CoreyFreemanhodughXO
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    So, I swallowed my pride; I ate all the lions.

    • 161
    • FAVS
    dollypartisan_Ms_Moneypenny_Humor_FetishOhaiqtpieGoHomeTobyMz908Vanilla_cupcakNonCombosMentos
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyVanilla_cupcakKingPatrick24smickableaemynadiraPetoteHaute_MILFFragileFriend____
    Petotespotswoj
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    What happens when you pay for a 75 cent item with a dollar? You get a quarterback. Hi, I'm Joe Montana and I'm here to talk about change.

    • 139
    • FAVS
    LetdownLizzieMissy_KellLilbyrdypoppy_sevskiswollenvoiceNervesLergespicydioramawizardofwoz1
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    aliciasighdapptrapmr_shneeblyleechee420aaronupvinniesucksHumor_Fetishfollowcreative
    dsmitty_62
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    My resume is just a 0:45 clip of me rubbing my belly and patting my head.

    • 156
    • FAVS
    Humor_FetishVanilla_cupcakBrownDevil3smickablemichael_raphoneGBRougecityPetotemyles_morrison
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    Vanilla_cupcakPeterAgbonzegbeCarolinaSongBruceCampbell33__DarzieDAMNB0niferdNeutrontrilogyfavstar1000favs
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    I want to play truth or dare with a manatee but end up hugging so much.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    DCBellaElla______Ohaiqtpiesmickablemyles_morrisondreamthievinRapGodJeffreythedayofthedotkellys_140
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    FragileFriend____trumpthechumpDarzieDAMNkamiekaymee__Frozen_BrogurtRobDartTweetsDudeInABearSuittessa_kramer93
    duplicitron
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Legally changing my name to include the smiley emoticon with sunglasses.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    dapptrapHumor_Fetishsundressedmichael_raphoneGBRougecityjakob_hubermyles_morrisonCalliejacobson____
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    FionaJRossBlairLoudlytrillwrighttravisauruss______DarzieDAMNobi_ian_kenobiJaylee55555favstar1000favs
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    A wasp landed on my window just to fix his hairdo in the reflection and ask me if he's looking pretty fly today. He is.

    • 137
    • FAVS
    Humor_FetishBrownDevil3michael_raphonemiIquetoastJKALittleverygenericnameGBRougecityMagoosback
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    mommybuttonsjakob_huberDarzieDAMNPaulyMosh_Pantojajajafavstar1000favshot_coughy________chamashouse______
  • bergified
      brother berg @bergified

    Did you know the average human specimen will spend 1/5 of his/her life staring into cupboards as if they were the cosmos Itself.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    GretelGumdropBOOB_STATUSeverylilthingadamdorseyatanenhauspjwentzNestForJaysFourEyedQueef
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    shadowgeometryheaton99ChrisTraumanovellissweaterAgustinaVincentoldvibesmadditomorrowOpiumEcho
@bergified

@bergified

your brother from the earthly mother