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@bestgirlbetty's (best girl betty) most faved Tweets...
Wait. Sex can be had when SOBER?? Jesus. This changes everything. Does everything still go in the same place? Last part is for a friend.
By now, the gin should know enough to come out of the store when I honk.
In my day, we did our sexting on an Etch-a-Sketch. See these stairs I drew for you, baby? They lead to my bedroom. Uh huh. Yeahhh.
I've lost my will for my coworkers to live.
Does this buzzing sound make my boyfriend sound battery-operated?
Some day my prince will come. Just kidding! Of course my prince will come. Prematurely, I would imagine.
Off to work. Work never fucks me the way I like it. Pull my hair, you lameass copy machine.
It's unfair of me to expect you to say interesting things in order to follow you. I followed a man to the altar on less expectations.
It's like no one in this meeting has heard an orgasm before.
Wait. You have tonic and a penis? That's such a coincidence! I just happen to have gin, and a mouth.
I'm so hungry I could eat at least four of those gin and tonics.
I'm fake, but my boobs are real.
Mama didn't raise no whore. And now here I am at my boring job. Great. Thanks a lot, Mom.
Sometimes when I'm away, I wonder if the gin is dreaming of me, too.
All my coworkers are talking about the Olympics and it's like no one even notices my panties match my nail polish.
Sometimes I like to fall out the front door as I leave the house to show my neighbor what a hot piece of ass I am.
God gave you a tongue for saying stupid things or for performing oral, and He's pissed at your poor decision making skills.
I hate to sound ungrateful, but I wish Susan B. Anthony had also fought for me to not have to go to baby showers.
I thought I saw an ex walking into the store ahead of me just now. But I realized it couldn't be him when his head fit through the door.
I'm so bored at work. Meet me in the copy room for nipple slip and such. Donuts optional. Act surprised.
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