@bestgirlbetty's (best girl betty) most faved Tweets...
Wait. Sex can be had when SOBER?? Jesus. This changes everything. Does everything still go in the same place? Last part is for a friend.
In my day, we did our sexting on an Etch-a-Sketch. See these stairs I drew for you, baby? They lead to my bedroom. Uh huh. Yeahhh.
Some day my prince will come. Just kidding! Of course my prince will come. Prematurely, I would imagine.
It's unfair of me to expect you to say interesting things in order to follow you. I followed a man to the altar on less expectations.
Wait. You have tonic and a penis? That's such a coincidence! I just happen to have gin, and a mouth.
All my coworkers are talking about the Olympics and it's like no one even notices my panties match my nail polish.
Sometimes I like to fall out the front door as I leave the house to show my neighbor what a hot piece of ass I am.
God gave you a tongue for saying stupid things or for performing oral, and He's pissed at your poor decision making skills.
I hate to sound ungrateful, but I wish Susan B. Anthony had also fought for me to not have to go to baby showers.
I thought I saw an ex walking into the store ahead of me just now. But I realized it couldn't be him when his head fit through the door.
I'm so bored at work. Meet me in the copy room for nipple slip and such. Donuts optional. Act surprised.
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