I've invented the poor man's Snuggie. Take the robe you already own and wear it backwards.

Twitter exists because people on Facebook just don't get it and we need a place to snicker behind their backs.

I'll tell you what I think: if the government does shut down, NO ONE, I say not a single person in Congress or Senate should be reelected.

We were lazy & left some dishes in the sink for a couple days. Do you know what happens to Ranch dressing when it's left-

OH GOD, IT MOVED!

I don't think I have much patience for time warps. That is to say that I'm annoyed by those who are stuck in the past. Live in today.

For my 5 year old, geography means only two locations matter: where she is standing and the north pole.

"Mommy, look! I'm naked!"
"Good for you. Do you want to get dressed?"
"Are we going somewheres?"
"Yes."
"I better get out of my naked then."

There's an important issue no one talks about but I'm going to speak up.

MOMMIES ARE ALLOWED POTTY TIME THAT IS NOT DELAYED OR INTERRUPTED.

According to the 4 yo, the purpose of a princess is to marry a prince and sign autographs.

Approx. 1700 Cali Girls owned @disneyland, shared glow sticks, offered help to strangers, & smiled everywhere. @girlscoutsgssgc @girlscouts

If I bake gingerbread cookies and the man shaped one jumps up and runs around, we are moving because poltergeist.

My 4 year old has an imaginary friend, Lizzie. Lizzie has a friend, Lozo. Now, there is also an imaginary owl. She has a damn entourage.

Isn't Mother's Day on Sunday? Settle down all of you Hallmark junkies, settle down now.

There are days like today when one has to cover pasta in mayonnaise and call it a meal and IT IS OK!

No, it's not really, is it.

For some reason, one thought keeps repeating in my head: "It's too hot for gumbo."

"Why has the president taken so long to resolve the issue with his birth certificate?" they ask. Gee, because he's BUSY RUNNING THE COUNTRY!

Pregnancy: where cleavage is synonimous with crumb catcher.

L, but not OL.

my husband's father just called to talk about the weather. he wanted me to know it was rainy. . . because maybe my windows are on the fritz?

I was visiting my folks and my dad muted the volume on the television so I could answer a text message. How cute is he?