Return of the King extended edition is so long that there's a part where Frodo stops to read all of the Hobbit.

why can't carving vegetables be a thing we do all year.

"I just wanted to mourn the loss of my crazy-hot Russian fiance by becoming a pirate king, but I guess that was too much to ask." #Archer

Come enjoy PLACES!(ohio)'s newest sketch! It's really funny. I'd probably give it an 8!  http://youtu.be/zrfzM6NE4F8 

Watch the new PLACES!(ohio) video. You'll learn something. maybe.  http://youtu.be/w6TwSjx1WbU 

I think #FriendsReunion was NBC's backup plan for the past 10 years. This must be the peak of their desperation.

Hey guys. New video from PLACES! (ohio). This is a good one kind of.  http://youtu.be/8AMg8NtyMxU 

New video from PLACES! (ohio). perfect video to watch on this lovely monday. Watch it or we're not friends anymore.  http://youtu.be/5XODMc0xIv4 

How come when Gatsby disappears from his own party it's all "oh how coy and mysterious," but when I do it everyone thinks I have to poop?

I'm eating candy for breakfast, not going to school, and staying up WAY past my bedtime. #NoPope

How come seeing Adele perform at award shows always feels like running into an exgirlfriend at a church festival?

Today, I finally found out what the Alabama Shakes look like.

Wanna see me, @tommy3wood, and @theblackfalcon1 do the Harlem Shake?  http://youtu.be/6BXIZCRoRz4 

Everytime it gets this unseasonably nice out, some dude always ruins in by wearing a cowboy hat.

I want to see a movie where Charlie Day plays Sam Rockwell's little brother.

I believe in angels when I see children with "heelies" fall in groceries.

Everyone that hates being generalized will hate this tweet.

He said 9/11. Finish the bottle.

Pregnant selfies

When I was 12, I couldn't afford a PS2 so I just bought a PS2 game and waited for my birthday. These days I do the same thing with condoms.