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I’m farting at work. Not like I farted while working, i’m literally just standing here getting paid to push out farts.
wait, why did jesus come back after only tree days? Did he think everyone would be happy to see him? Lay low for a while, Jesus.
vegeta is the sawyer to goku's jack shepherd (except without that sexy alcoholic surgeon angle)
"I'll I have uhhhh... Ciroc, on the *raises eyebrows* ci-rocks." -me flirting with a bartender
gonna send my kid to his first day of kindergarten with a shirt that says "sex already sounds cool"
I wanna host a Freaks and Geeks marathon party and call it "Let's Get Weir!"
Is there a Mexican rapper by the name of Al Cochino, yet? Please let there be.
Celebrity Deathmatch: Uffie vs Ke$ha
of course Uffie wins
it's 8:01, hbogo, where the fuck is Game of Thrones THIS ISN'T WHAT I DON'T PAY YOU FOR.
would there be anything more frustrating than a cat committing suicide? sure the first 3 times would be funny, but I bet it gets dull fast.