@bigeasy's (Alan Gutierrez) most faved Tweets...
Finally finished putting up the Christmas lights. The look great, but now I'm pretty sure everyone's going to know I'm living in my car.
Disappointed that the CDC has taken to calling it H1N1 instead of the name I suggested, Bacon Fever.
Living well is the best revenge, but the feeling of that knife sinking into those tires was pretty good too.
Whenever my girlfriend says "I love you", my heart melts. Now if I could just get her to stop it with the air quotes.
Too old to sit in Santa’s lap, they said. This I expected. What Santa didn’t expect was Santa’s Corner carefully recreated in a rental van.
Dad didn’t want to admit that he lied to me about Santa Claus, so Christmas 1983 I ran downstairs to find a elaborately staged homicide.
I know this is last minute, but does anyone know where can I find a quail that I can stuff into my turducken?
Dream journal: Train goes into tunnel. Backs out of tunnel. Goes into tunnel. All night I dreamt this. No idea what it means.
Christmas again already? Seems like it was just yesterday that I took down last year's concertina wire from the mouth of the chimney.
I've been getting along with neighbors a lot better since I stopped referring to them as "the others."
Ho! Ho! Santa's on the lawn again! Worst part was getting him out of the
garage. He was stuck behind the 16ft crucifix I put up at Easter.
garage. He was stuck behind the 16ft crucifix I put up at Easter.
Every time I pull out the scalpel and say let's check for Vs, the room clears. This is VERY strange, IF they're not Vs.
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