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I say potato & you say it like a douche.
My body is not my temple, its more like a really awesome whorehouse.
"Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I don't ask for much, but let Tagg Romney & Geraldo Rivera both run for senate. Please!" Sincerely, My sense of humor
I'm punching out the next person I hear say "You are what you eat." I don't care who you are nobody calls me a pussy & gets away with it.
Shit I forgot to go to sleep.
Let's be honest, with feet this sexy there is no way I would ever survive long in prison.
One problem with twitter is it ruins the "If people only knew the crazy shit I thought up all the time I'd be so rich & famous" fantasy.
Its a good thing I am a man because I am in no way responsible enough to wield something as powerful as a vagina.
The name of my porn folder is "Research" because I like being both sad & technically correct.
Some guys always seem to make women cry, I much prefer to make them laugh.
You just know at some point there is going to be a serial killer who gets victims from the pool of people who unfollow them on twitter.
The suspect raises his fists & raps "I'm gonna knock you out..mama said knock you out!" the SWAT leader realizes he has made a huge mistake.
My insomnia is so bad I can only sleep a few hours straight a night, any hours slept after that are totally gay.
Pro Tip: Instead of putting a condom on just keep the light off & crackle a gum wrapper, she'll never know...also stockpile some penicillin.
Fun Fact: My legal name on my birth certificate is actually: "Ribbed For Her Pleasure."
I write & do political stuff. I'm a Blackfeet Indian. I love film, literature & sports -- especially MMA.