I say potato & you say it like a douche.

My body is not my temple, its more like a really awesome whorehouse.

Righetous rant by @cenkuygur // Woman Dies After Denied Abortion - Cenk on 'Morality':  http://youtu.be/DKifAdn8HCQ  via @youtube #p2 @theyoungturks

"Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I don't ask for much, but let Tagg Romney & Geraldo Rivera both run for senate. Please!" Sincerely, My sense of humor

I'm punching out the next person I hear say "You are what you eat." I don't care who you are nobody calls me a pussy & gets away with it.

Shit I forgot to go to sleep.

Let's be honest, with feet this sexy there is no way I would ever survive long in prison.

One problem with twitter is it ruins the "If people only knew the crazy shit I thought up all the time I'd be so rich & famous" fantasy.

@mmaroasted The UFC cut Lavar Johnson's takedown defense before the fight.

I can't believe sensible gun control is held hostage by the same dumbfucks who see sinister gays & Muslims hiding behind every corner. #p2

Its a good thing I am a man because I am in no way responsible enough to wield something as powerful as a vagina.

The name of my porn folder is "Research" because I like being both sad & technically correct.

Some guys always seem to make women cry, I much prefer to make them laugh.

You just know at some point there is going to be a serial killer who gets victims from the pool of people who unfollow them on twitter.

The suspect raises his fists & raps "I'm gonna knock you out..mama said knock you out!" the SWAT leader realizes he has made a huge mistake.

My insomnia is so bad I can only sleep a few hours straight a night, any hours slept after that are totally gay.

@ralphgilles @realdonaldtrump Trump is a total dirtbag, good call, Ralph.

Pro Tip: Instead of putting a condom on just keep the light off & crackle a gum wrapper, she'll never know...also stockpile some penicillin.

Fun Fact: My legal name on my birth certificate is actually: "Ribbed For Her Pleasure."

Hug Life