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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex

    • 178
    • FAVS
    ninjamoose101T_BonezzzWildeThingyMRoutierlinanneblackgadgetgreenImTheSheriffreally_caity
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    T_BonezzzTerryPoppinzNdeshi_MDrivelodeonHuajatollaChicmjkspeaksi_wasnt_lookingTeeJayRush
    Hellraisinbgrrl__
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    If Twitter were a Zoo, the warning sign would read 'please don't feed the egos'

    • 98
    • FAVS
    WildeThingymokgadimahashagadgetgreenlauralobesNdeshi_Mmjkspeaksi_wasnt_lookingJuicedballs
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    Benny_blow5ive_NgweeMzLee_mulosNdeshi_Mi_wasnt_lookingmjkspeaksfrankmattdsouza
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    One thing twitter has taught me: never get married, those fucking people are miserable

    • 97
    • FAVS
    nakedlaughingpinkybeen75kimjnwaLegitShortyImTheSheriffNdeshi_Msneezy20340967whiskeyrabbits
    • 36
    • RETWEETS
    LegitShortyNdeshi_Msneezy20340967i_wasnt_lookingiGreenMonksamiam604heapsOhateLMLMadness
    mazizkhalifa
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    You have a awfully high opinion of yourself for someone who lives in my phone

    • 56
    • FAVS
    elvisupermanThisAlibiWildeThingyreviousSarrah_SloankimjnwaNdeshi_Mc680
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    chilliconnectabernackyThisAlibiHassan_WaniniSarrah_SloanBugsysgirlNdeshi_Mc680
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Growing up my friend Clint lost an eye because of a freak BB gun accident. When he is having a good day, he ends all his texts with .-)

    • 63
    • FAVS
    linanneblackYurmom31narsissystWonderWomanEhNdeshi_Mi_wasnt_lookingheyoulaurasamiam604
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    narsissystNdeshi_Mheyoulaurasamiam604LMLMadnessvexroidTlaxBoy05Donna_McCoy
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    If Monday were an animal it would be a monkey because it always seems to throw unexpected shit at me

    • 53
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingAndyAsAdjectiveJohnLyonTweetsSureshMKotharisamiam604nutspeed2BREATHEURSIGHheapsOhate
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingJohnLyonTweetsSureshMKotharisamiam604nutspeed2ktea11_B4TM4NSpokeAna
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Hey young gangsta in the Impala in front of me, if you SIT UP the girls you keep slowing down and honking at could actually see you

    • 48
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingsamiam604alrightbobAceFlavoredvexroidMekalesanotheryolkerTlaxBoy05
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingsamiam604mrcraig_rottenalrightbobAceFlavoredLMLMadnessvexroidanotheryolker
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Hippies call them flashbacks, the rest of us call them memories

    • 45
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingCyd10eSpokeAnaTlaxBoy05Mohr_rosesDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_Altered
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingCyd10ektea11SpokeAnaTlaxBoy05Donna_McCoyKidsTheZeDays__BCatch22
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I like to go to Walmart and look at shotguns while wearing a Postal uniform. It's my zen.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingMakesYouGiggleheyoulaurasamiam604lilaknowsBigsike3fuzzlimejaelco26
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingheyoulaurasamiam604lilaknowsfuzzlimevexroidaaronasellarsAbrasiveVelvet
    SarahFemme
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I left some mushrooms in the work fridge. Now my boss want to schedule a meeting to discuss the lack of dragon sales this quarter.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    LamontJoeTheOriginal_S_darkomi_noahlzvlbMichele82178556PhilDarnowskyDonna_McCoy
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingphatboislymPhilDarnowskyDonna_McCoysamiam604NikiDresdenCadams80govtdude
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I am convinced my asshole's secret identity is my boss

    • 46
    • FAVS
    rachel2manypawsBurds_1bees_wingzBuck_SatanWildeThingyms73i_wasnt_lookingsquirrel74wkgn
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    mulosWildeThingyi_wasnt_lookingmytweecwetlife____Darkntwistd
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I was surprised to find out 'noodling' for catfish didn't involve using my dick, where are my pants?

    • 41
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingsquirrel74wkgnanotheryolkerTlaxBoy05SwoonTwang________theabstractassAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_Altered
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingTlaxBoy05AbrasiveVelvetHotlinkStrahotaSlabBaconBPGoGoTaggmytweecwetlife____
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Twitter is all fun and games until one of the voices in your head begins heckling you while thinking of something to tweet

    • 38
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingpre_mixImTheSheriffMakesYouGiggleheyoulaurasamiam604jaelco26NautilusCarly
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingheyoulaurasamiam604NautilusCarlyvexroidDonna_McCoyTheJameSA________SarahFemme
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Whoever started the saying "there is more than one way to skin a cat" must have really hated cats

    • 33
    • FAVS
    Chevy_Bennetti_wasnt_lookingFlat7Upjaelco26vexroidil_y_smprivateworld99darlingshelly72
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingvexroidmzbitchy890Donna_McCoyTheTrueDocLoveAbrasiveVelvetjumpdasharkcodeGoddess
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I think of my tweets that get 1 star as pity starfucks, and I have lots of them, thank you

    • 38
    • FAVS
    WildeThingyi_wasnt_lookingsamiam604AbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaEdwinaCrumpleSlabBaconBP
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingsamiam604AbrasiveVelvetGoGoTagg
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    while drinking coffee in my underwear this morning, I realize that both my kitchen and my pecker could both use a woman's touch #morningwood

    • 33
    • FAVS
    samiam604AbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredSlabBaconBPmazizkhalifaEdwinaCrumpleAndLive2Lovejumpdashark
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    samiam604GoGoTaggMrsaddicted91__juicy_lipz5Pocket_CindyNoSpankYou
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    "Hahaha, 39 just found the Legos I left on the floor last night." ~ my son

    • 26
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingLeighShannonlhrumandrocksterrycjthypedupfairyJosh_the_weirdoKirstensDeskFuckabillyRex
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    LeighShannonlhterrycjtFuckabillyRexSayhikristygirlwithsk8sAilingIverson__jjkRRTMind_fukk
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I think there is a direct correlation between cars with bubbling window tint and it's owners broken dreams

    • 29
    • FAVS
    tj_squaregoldie_427i_wasnt_lookingmanhandlemeplzvexroidDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_Altered
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    tj_squaregoldie_427Chevy_Bennetti_wasnt_lookingmanhandlemeplzvexroid_NickburtReelBigJim________
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    When favstar comes back up we will all crash it trying to please our egos

    • 28
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingDonna_McCoyaugustuszeusBrentweetsMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaSlabBaconBPAndLive2Love
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingDonna_McCoyMy_Ego_AlteredJustCallMeFrank
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    It always amazes me how casual dogs are about giving and/or receiving oral

    • 27
    • FAVS
    BrentweetsMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaSlabBaconBPAndLive2LovejumpdasharkVixxeshanethevein
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    My_Ego_AlteredSarahFemme
@billycreature

@billycreature
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