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  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex

    • 150
    • FAVS
    jaelco26moxiebloggervexroidlissy6450Mishful_ThinkinjennytwoshitsCarStan1114davidbicha
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    LMLMadnessvexroidjennytwoshitsidiositysquirrel74wkgnTlaxBoy05mhall55nineBaconPotPie
    Hellraisinbgrrl__
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    One thing twitter has taught me: never get married, those fucking people are miserable

    • 81
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnpepperkatwTlaxBoy05Donna_McCoySanamTheLambSal0630SpanishFly27warbird622
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    LMLMadnessTlaxBoy05SanamTheLambSal0630AbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredmeganshoepopThaBoxingDiva
    mazizkhalifa
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    If Twitter were a Zoo, the warning sign would read 'please don't feed the egos'

    • 79
    • FAVS
    vexroidsquirrel74wkgnTlaxBoy05jn3poDreamRegulatorImABaconDonutidiosityrmn1024
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    LMLMadnessgovtdudeskwawkwardvexroidchiweethedogTlaxBoy05DreamRegulatorrmn1024
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Growing up my friend Clint lost an eye because of a freak BB gun accident. When he is having a good day, he ends all his texts with .-)

    • 54
    • FAVS
    CCLTamikatspaksvexroidsquirrel74wkgnTlaxBoy05jaelco26OnMyElbowsrutik_s
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    LMLMadnessvexroidTlaxBoy05Donna_McCoyEdwinaCrumpleVixxeNoirPoetograpyGoGoTagg
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Hey young gangsta in the Impala in front of me, if you SIT UP the girls you keep slowing down and honking at could actually see you

    • 46
    • FAVS
    alrightbobAceFlavoredvexroidMekalesanotheryolkerTlaxBoy05Ilovelamp1979jaelco26
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    mrcraig_rottenalrightbobAceFlavoredLMLMadnessvexroidanotheryolkerTlaxBoy05ripperfan1888
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Hippies call them flashbacks, the rest of us call them memories

    • 42
    • FAVS
    TlaxBoy05Mohr_rosesDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredDarthBash________KidsTheZeDays__mazizkhalifa
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05Donna_McCoyKidsTheZeDays__BCatch22SlabBaconBPAh_kee_oh________YWIRGoGoTagg
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I was surprised to find out 'noodling' for catfish didn't involve using my dick, where are my pants?

    • 40
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnanotheryolkerTlaxBoy05SwoonTwang________theabstractassAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredDarthBash________
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05AbrasiveVelvetHotlinkStrahotaSlabBaconBPGoGoTaggmytweecwetlife____
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I like to go to Walmart and look at shotguns while wearing a Postal uniform. It's my zen.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    jaelco26CCLTamicandidartichokevexroidDonna_McCoyym_allieaaronasellarsAbrasiveVelvet
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    vexroidaaronasellarsAbrasiveVelvetfavstar_popHaLoNoLajtweetzzYourEvilTwin______savagehippy
    SarahFemme
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    If Monday were an animal it would be a monkey because it always seems to throw unexpected shit at me

    • 38
    • FAVS
    UntouchableShejaelco26vexroidDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredDarthBash________mazizkhalifa
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    vexroidimProperThingF_C_DouganGoGoTagg
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I am convinced my asshole's secret identity is my boss

    • 39
    • FAVS
    squirrel74wkgnAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredDarthBash________str8up4realnycmazizkhalifaSlabBaconBPAndLive2Love
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    mytweecwetlife____Darkntwistd
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Whoever started the saying "there is more than one way to skin a cat" must have really hated cats

    • 31
    • FAVS
    Flat7Upjaelco26vexroidil_y_smprivateworld99darlingshelly72Donna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvet
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    vexroidmzbitchy890Donna_McCoyTheTrueDocLoveAbrasiveVelvetjumpdasharkcodeGoddessNoSpankYou
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I left some mushrooms in the work fridge. Now my boss want to schedule a meeting to discuss the lack of dragon sales this quarter.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    xosmFuckabillyRexNikiDresdenCadams80recognizecourtbskwawkwardaka_candymanvexroid
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    NikiDresdenCadams80govtdudeaka_candymanvexroidTeeJayRushOutOnTheMoorsDawnOfTheCynic
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I think of my tweets that get 1 star as pity starfucks, and I have lots of them, thank you

    • 35
    • FAVS
    AbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaEdwinaCrumpleSlabBaconBPAndLive2Lovejumpdasharkshanethevein
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    AbrasiveVelvetGoGoTagg
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    Twitter is all fun and games until one of the voices in your head begins heckling you while thinking of something to tweet

    • 32
    • FAVS
    jaelco26NautilusCarlyvexroidDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredDarthBash________mazizkhalifa
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    NautilusCarlyvexroidDonna_McCoyTheJameSA________SarahFemme
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    while drinking coffee in my underwear this morning, I realize that both my kitchen and my pecker could both use a woman's touch #morningwood

    • 32
    • FAVS
    AbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredSlabBaconBPmazizkhalifaEdwinaCrumpleAndLive2LovejumpdasharkVixxe
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    GoGoTaggMrsaddicted91__juicy_lipz5Pocket_CindyNoSpankYou
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    You have a awfully high opinion of yourself for someone who lives in my phone

    • 25
    • FAVS
    jaelco26candidartichokevexroidPaulDeMarco1ShaistaJustinLilMamacitaDontlemmywinklerndiquote
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    vexroidprivateworld99LilMamacitaDontDonna_McCoyHotlinkStrahotaSlabBaconBPlalastrailerCynner777
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    I think there is a direct correlation between cars with bubbling window tint and it's owners broken dreams

    • 26
    • FAVS
    manhandlemeplzvexroidDonna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaEdwinaCrumpleAndLive2Love
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    manhandlemeplzvexroid_NickburtReelBigJim________
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    When favstar comes back up we will all crash it trying to please our egos

    • 27
    • FAVS
    Donna_McCoyaugustuszeusBrentweetsMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaSlabBaconBPAndLive2Lovejumpdashark
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Donna_McCoyMy_Ego_AlteredJustCallMeFrank
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    It always amazes me how casual dogs are about giving and/or receiving oral

    • 27
    • FAVS
    BrentweetsMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaSlabBaconBPAndLive2LovejumpdasharkVixxeshanethevein
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    My_Ego_AlteredSarahFemme
  • billycreature
      Billybong @billycreature

    That awkward moment when you have to say "thank you for holding the door" to the Frankencunt who just cut you off in the parking lot

    • 21
    • FAVS
    Donna_McCoyAbrasiveVelvetMy_Ego_AlteredmazizkhalifaAndLive2LoveColehill_TaraAh_kee_oh________MrFornicator
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Colehill_TaraAh_kee_oh________EccentricPixieHarleyHousewifeShoutingGoddessNauseaTinglylalastrailer
@billycreature

@billycreature
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