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If you’re having a bad Monday just think about how one day the sun will eventually swallow the earth and all of this will be gone.
An app like Grindr but you get to cuddle each other's dogs.
You can’t say happiness without penis.
Cheryl Cole's new song sounds like it was written by a GCSE music student
Opinions are like arseholes. I'm interested in yours... and I wanna put it on my face tonight wait sorry what are we talking about
"What's your friend's name?"
"Well if he ever needs a place to sit" *points at face*
I propose we stop using "a needle in a haystack" and start using "a top at a lady gaga concert" instead.
The Harry Potter films would've been way cooler told from Voldermort's point of view. Stupid kid and his ginger friend who JUST WON'T DIE.
Bottoms are people too.
Telling someone you work in IT is such a turn off and then on again.
I'm pretty classy so I don't kiss till the third date. But that makes the sex on the first two dates kinda impersonal.