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Cheryl Cole's new song sounds like it was written by a GCSE music student
The Harry Potter films would've been way cooler told from Voldermort's point of view. Stupid kid and his ginger friend who JUST WON'T DIE.
I'm pretty classy so I don't kiss till the third date. But that makes the sex on the first two dates kinda impersonal.
"What's your friend's name?"
"Well if he ever needs a place to sit" *points at face*
Telling someone you work in IT is such a turn off and then on again.
Now that there aren't any white iPhones anymore, how are we supposed to know if someone's a bottom?
Don't worry if you missed Miranda. Here's a summary: "I'm so tall and awkward look at me so awkward" There, now you have seen every episode.
I hate the phrase "straight acting". Let's see how straight acting you are with my balls in your mouth.
Let's go on an adventure! *spins globe, flick knife stabs into the Atlantic* oh fuck *spin again, knife lands in iraq* shit, oh forget it