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  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    My new hero is the girl on the bus who, when told to smile by a creeper dude, propped up the corners of her mouth with both middle fingers.

    • 6,197
    • FAVS
    queenbabar5JasonBerlinjodi_jillorphic_threnchmichaelnugentBathia_Mapeshello_saylorsjdj01
    • 5,527
    • RETWEETS
    khadijahjamesryanhaydonRonBHolmes2nd2ArcturusrahoiangelmaneetJonHampton1shroon7
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    She said "Hand me that oven mitt" and as he pretended to try to lift the whole stove, the Romneys laughed, but not quite as much this year.

    • 1,417
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    ali_moizmeganshpettitKKupfererKevinJBurkeSoundsLockeMakingItBigTymedead_yesteryearRDY4JEB
    • 1,575
    • RETWEETS
    daveyDavid_CrayforddvyioDEdwardBeckTheDanJo1988mina_el_naguibCraig_McNamaraj_d_mcgregor
    SmethanieMmeLaCrooz
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Q: How many MRA dudes does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Not all of them

    • 1,109
    • FAVS
    C_SaikaAjayESharmaimcloudbustingforgivenchykeanestrangerssolitaryspookmillerdlLaniKaiDuck
    • 1,286
    • RETWEETS
    jerinedlohradartegabitingC_SaikaforgivenchyalabasterretardBirkyTheSecondkeanestrangers
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    You can't unsee the 'twerk' in Kraftwerk

    • 769
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    emilyxmulliganrioanastaciaempireofameliaTheTrueDelievererasersheadSamGrittnerbitchvillekcdorey
    • 1,296
    • RETWEETS
    queenofbedempireofamelia_hobosexual_aqueminiiiiraggedtigerserasersheadiz_allenunusualyou13
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    As a retarded faggot, I'm finding many of these YouTube comments quite off-putting.

    • 1,609
    • FAVS
    plokimjunhybTheMicahHallK_Clark13RosenfieldStevemorgsroyTomPeters25foley_ericAustin_Wegener
    • 442
    • RETWEETS
    cashkidc3dTrekYourselfshithead_jimsecretcorndogkevin_thiesGriffinPancakesfcukjamescadewtf
    5ick5YUCKYBOTTheNardvarkdesignersaysTrainedHedonistSkunkFarts
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    We can put a man on the moon yet we still keep using the same dated analogy for scientific progress.

    • 512
    • FAVS
    lanyardiganMmmYeahNoGotBacchusMiciurabenn3meBromanConsulDanKCharnleyLF925
    • 921
    • RETWEETS
    MmmYeahNobW75MiciuraakumarBamWilkinsonjasonjarmooshTheDailySchmuckphiabear
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Girl are you a tube of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls because I want to bang you on the counter

    • 922
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    freelychelle__The_GetawayGirlagurlnamedjentrixiebellbellvlowgoesBrookeTuzilanne_seattlemikeleighb
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    agurlnamedjenvlowgoesanne_seattlemilameatmalletSchroeder_82gypsyklineCAFBethyrichsheridan200
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    A twitter app that replaces "actually" at the beginning of at replies with "my mommy says"

    • 792
    • FAVS
    slygoteSoundsLockekatinurhatttollersonrosiehampton_jaykrumburydanger_spousetolerabletwat
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    slygotethumperwardashleyfortescuepaulatttttmadi_carletonTungstenKneecapkatiefergcavinlewis7
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Roses are red, violets are made of toast I did too many mushrooms my wheelbarrow is a time machine

    • 480
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    SonOfEmersonHurly_BurlyTanned_Sassy______welfarehoeBromanConsulDanKCharnleyVerifiedDrunksenderblock23
    • 520
    • RETWEETS
    BuzJfavstar_historyTheRomenHurly_BurlyOnlyPedPerryDMBarr53simardowndad__gummit
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    What a lame bar. The drinks are weak and the women at are all "kind of busy" or "what is your problem" or "this is a pottery class, sir."

    • 729
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    theleanoverartwaifKaseyGriffinlikeabeecat__slightlyfunny77NikhilKodilkardavegorumKJo_WA
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    Amritpeaceoutmamasnarklikeabeecat__LymeandCoconutMHJBNMattheveliwhatitis112BabetteJones
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Ego and super-ego walk into a bar. Bartender says "I'm gonna need to see some id."

    • 445
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    meganshpettitLoraSomozameganmsidkohCridmoBromanConsulDanKCharnleyEvaGiselle
    • 310
    • RETWEETS
    nenillasNbombyoCrownLynOftenWallyEvanSus96taylorcannon1ThrobbingMoleMrMcPhallus
    HairyJew4LifeGreenLikeCashoriginaljackass__
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    "How can I make this about me?" - the internet

    • 425
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    HiK_ByeAnemoneOhkxrscudmissilebeeptorrezgiromidemeganshpettit
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    beepcitegirltcannonfodderpatrickcentralchelsboatsixesandevansrionameborg01
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    I would never joke about your mother's favorite sexual position.

    That would be beneath me.

    • 471
    • FAVS
    supersinicholKevinJBurkeBromanConsulDanKCharnleyEvaGiselleManda_like_wineVerifiedDrunksenderblock23
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    JEEZkanani________words_txtStaticPeccapaldis_chalkjennomialElectric_ChuSpackl3americanheaux
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    I want to ruin our friendship's brains out

    • 391
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    KevinJBurkeBromanConsulDanKCharnleyEamonToPleaseBK_RTsVerifiedDrunkScottieKendrickgbascos
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    BK_RTsLetsBeSapidale_ks_andraaasim_syedemma_p23AtariNosferatuZabeMarstobieMFabel
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    *new Pope emerges wearing a deadmou5 helmet*
    *raises his arms and starts nodding*
    *bass drops*

    • 299
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    mediumflowGotBacchusChuckyNookieBromanConsulManda_like_wineVerifiedDrunkwhatitis112jmoats53
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    JessicaLowdenChendanaLoasanaskellington85ChloeeezenthesunzoominginmayplesyrupgirlTheJordanConwayDeceasednRad____
    UNTRESOR
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    "Yes"
    "Yes"
    "Yes"
    "Oh, fuck me"

    Sex talk or navigating an automated phone menu system?

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    KevinJBurkeGotBacchusBromanConsulDanKCharnleyShittingtonUKSaraThomas84rogerclarkTheFearBoners____
    • 351
    • RETWEETS
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  • biorhythmist
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    • 344
    • RETWEETS
    NickyBmanJoe87EdgejetudebellicapaxblakeshallLivelyivyFavstar250mxduki
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    *raises hand during sex ed class*

    "When are we ever gonna use this?"

    • 443
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    scudmissileJolineTowersDinosaurCDseanofconnorXx_GayFag_xX783DesiJedbrichmondheatherduffer
    • 160
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    MaxieSabcricricurielgresireSiriCerasiRoscoeWhytemarisaroxannecholethetrollmuhfuckaAl
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Roses are red, violets are made of toast I did too many mushrooms my wheelbarrow is a time machine

    • 241
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    PugnaciousJonesThatGingymcibtyPainkiller31485DBwiddaDBJuddsKiddingmewhinneyNarcissusMaxmus
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    BuzJcarlybarsalouJuddsKiddingshaundre3000jewfacekillacrazyinkansas1__BobYarrowPhantasmagoriax
    joelebean
  • biorhythmist
      matt @biorhythmist

    Go home, CNN, you're drunk.

    • 184
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    DanKCharnleyManda_like_wineVerifiedDrunkthispartyislameEmira_APat_MessslygoteManarSuw
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    _Special_News_slygoteHarphamMarktarakrzyzewskipitt312joshbachynskiGalilaAlJifritjwell01
@biorhythmist

@biorhythmist

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