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"It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas Steve." -confused homophobe
"Who am I to judge?" -Pope Rational the first
Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
I love the troops. Because if they weren't the troops, I would be the troops. And I would be the worst troops. Happy Memorial Day.
If we ALL go back to bed, there's nothing they can do.
Governor Christie, we need you to eat the hurricane.
If you drink and drive, you're an asshole. RT
In 1776 some shit went down and tomorrow there's a BBQ at my parents' house.
If "k" replaces "ok" forever I'm gonna fucking flip out.
The new "Oz" made $80 million this weekend. The original made $17 million total. Nice try, original. Ever heard of JAMES FRANCO?
"You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus
Soon every possible joke will be written on twitter and we will be forced to face our feelings.
Mitt Romney urges Americans: "Stay in your mansions."
New Album out TODAY!! https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/my-girlfriends-boyfriend/id740481163