Blondes run their mouths. Brunettes make shit fucking happen.

And by "k" I meant "whatever asshole".

Blondes may have the crown 👸 but brunettes have the "don't give a fuck" emoticon 💁 #WeWin

All Facebook does is remind me to use a condom. I swear everyone is pregnant #GoodLuckWithThat

I'm a sucker for a man that calls me babe.

Fact: your ponytail will always be cutest right before you go to bed and your makeup will look the best when you have nowhere to go.

Call me. Fuck this "maybe" shit.

I would rather buy new clothes than fold the ones on my floor.

Strolling on Facebook. My daily reminder to take my birth control #NoBabiesForMeeeee

Live by this rule: If he wants to text you, HE'LL FUCKING TEXT YOU!! If not, he's a fucking douche #MoveOn

Shit happens. We move on. Alcohol helps.

If you do your smiley faces like (: instead of :) then I probably hate you.

I'm a psycho because of my mother. I'm an asshole because of my father.

Men in jeans and a v neck #ThatsSoAttractive

Guys can go from being funny and adorable to a fucking asshole in .5 seconds.

Fuck it. I'm down. #ShitISayTooOften

Yes I delete tweets when they have typos #OCDProbs

I drink. I say shit I shouldn't. I do shit I shouldn't. And I live life. #CanYouSayThat

I'd rather be a heartless bitch than an ignorant whore.

I'm going to end up alone. Because I'm a fucking bitch.