@bitterpuss' most faved Tweets...
My husband accused me of twittering my life away then he said something else but I didn't hear him because I was writing this. He's crazy.
Today had a student say to me, "Mrs. XXXXX, you must have been pretty when you were young." I told her one day her peepee hole will bleed.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
My husband just said, "Those potatoes aren't going to peel themselves." Well, I know who will be fucking himself later.
I wish I had a nickel for every time someone aggravated the hell out of me, then I'd have a really heavy sack of nickels to hit them with.
Tried to motivate student by telling him I'd do a cartwheel if he got 100%, he asked if I'd wear a dress; so he's not as slow as I thought.
Had two beers after work with friends, and naturally when I say two I mean pitchers and when I say friends I mean assholes I work with.
Met my daughter's boyfriend for drinks. Felt like a damn Cougar until I slept with him. Now I just feel like a bad mother.
I've lived with this man for 25 years & he acts like it's the first time he's seen me eat an entire french silk pie. He can be such a pig.
The only thing more pathetic than eating chocolate frosting out of the tin with a spoon. Is doing it nude in front of a mirror, sobbing.
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