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  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    People say 'take a stab at it' like they put a medium amount of effort in their stabbings.

    • 875
    • FAVS
    bee_lakeShaiYagerjonahbokononistMeat_spoonglo_stevenspropizzabrolovemydogduckNickC46
    • 472
    • RETWEETS
    propizzabrolovemydogduckminnie_in_pink7asdfsemiLindsamorphousjoshuaantonicshinnymcaleerfound_gold
    Cheese_Pilelil_aracuanhavingafatday
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    First thing they teach you in business school is that the laws of supply and demand make the seashore the shittiest place to sell seashells.

    • 530
    • FAVS
    TwOffensiveGuysjonahbokononistMeat_spoonchapel3929LetUsRagelovemydogduckchampiozBurds_1
    • 242
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogducknielsend13champiozvleedvmeganowensxideawhorejinkeesarikaapple
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Every single sandwich you make is just one ingredient away from being an ice cream sandwich.

    • 478
    • FAVS
    TwOffensiveGuysLetUsRagelovemydogduckasdfseminikepinksunrisenotaloginHTsweetKylecomsicbastard
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckasdfsemiLindsamorphousHTsweetKyleshinnymcaleerGre_Gonefro_voSarrbearrr13
    McSwtrvstStu_Monster
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    I haven't got the nut ratios just right yet, so it's more of a trial mix.

    • 426
    • FAVS
    LetUsRagelovemydogduckchampiozBurds_1Amanda_inaboxbizmichaeljosePhDhoranjinkee
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckjosePhDhoranLeeptheSneakMickeyBee42Cheese_Pileversacecctomlintulipscoolgothsweater
    tastefactory
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Just 21 more days until I find out if my depression is seasonal!

    • 354
    • FAVS
    TwOffensiveGuysLetUsRagelovemydogduckTinyDemonHandsJustSomeGingeTheGeorgeymaryamasafarIRLPepperMD
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckLindsamorphousmaryamasafarFrenulumBrevejinkeeAmericanDingusdreamboateyesThirstySusRando
    Hustleupagus04
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    I'll never forget the day my Dad actually got them to admit they were kidding with those prices.

    • 330
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckchampiozBurds_1_sam_adihashughesjosePhDhorancalebjduckbig_tweeties
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogducksirpickellfroonding_loomfriendliestbeeBrittany_KovelahatwearerErinEphDerekKokinda
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    It's like pimps don't even realize they can wear those outfits without enslaving human beings.

    • 272
    • FAVS
    TwOffensiveGuysglo_stevenslovemydogduckBurds_1catpineapplevidal_cisnerosThrasher_McGnarowenquercia
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    BenjAndrewMusiclovemydogduckweirdtwitsteraspIodedmeganowensxideawhorejinkeeTheIrishD_Bag
    MadCashAcidCat____
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Just flew in from The Island of Doctor Moreau and boy are my arms tigers.

    • 209
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckGlennmandirectsweetbrefBondageLandprotolaliatheycallmejwowrrrifayNavy_Bean_Soup
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    WebbPaganfingerlovemydogduckprotolaliaJamTeezyUnhingedBlahwankdankertonunbub_ToyBoxed
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    If you watch The Departed backwards it's all like "aaawrup rip blllbdit jwurp gwob swup swup swup"

    • 192
    • FAVS
    jonahbokononistlovemydogduckjinkeejohnbrandonDefUSKCheese_PileDickkLegscryotuna
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckjinkeeCheese_Pileyerpalmildsauceth3proudn3rdVampireIguanajswoopg76GFGander
    ManipulateThis
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Everything Kenneth Cole does has an equal and opposite Kenneth Cole Reaction.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    Burds_1jinkeetomlintulipsThirstySusRandocoolgothsweaterHumor_FetishcrazylikeanoxDukeRaccoon
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    jinkeeDoctor_CheeksThirstySusRandocoolgothsweaterchristtendenVampireIguanaLetdownLizzieRobertLong4man
    christtenden
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    The world's oldest man didn't die, he can't. He's just a different guy now.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    colleenosaurusBurds_1nudenudenudejinkeeAlmightySpeckhug__thiefegg_dogseveral_dollars
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    earfdaejinkeeglitteringvoidfucpkaka_fatman_Timbo__Slice_VampireIguanaknot_eye
    FuckTyping
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Teen girls! The whole universe is predominantly random, rude and awkward.

    Save time by calling out what's so ordered, so kind, so at peace.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    Burds_1kerenhdz77DaPantyDroppaCuba_Libre_Jrgood_acidjxmannersSMLXistbird_cop
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    mentaldeletekerenhdz77jxmannersweirdtwitsterSMLXist_sailorlunaJoshJVWErnieLies
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    The United States Of America does not negotiate with terrorists. We may inspire them, fund them, goad them, drone their BBQs-but NO NEGOTIAT

    • 140
    • FAVS
    Burds_1ConstantlyjoshjinkeeTobyHarper1MCpizzatimeJbnixa73mstevenson10MrArkannoyed
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    jinkeealexbarker763glatoris_ollimablyaka_fatmanyerpalmildsauceth3proudn3rdnihilistjunkie
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Did you know if you fart with headphones on other people can hear it?

    • 153
    • FAVS
    gabemakesmusicBurds_1JustPressGoScrambledMceggsconjonoramahodughXOopenchakraAnyaLachae7
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    seanyeattsjinkeeHymTheGrimeGodStonantPlayHausMusicMike_Bianchicynder401Cheese_Pile
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Deer always have their game face on.

    • 146
    • FAVS
    Burds_1jinkeeDickkLegsyerpalmildsaucekrakkenlackinBrampersandon_VampireIguanaoGstatus_
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    jinkeeyerpalmildsauceVampireIguanaknot_eyespecialhugmountainstainer__ehchinoonicejumble
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    When life gives you proms, make promenade

    • 149
    • FAVS
    gabemakesmusicBurds_1FuckTypingveryrareurlThirstySusRando5446667rapmusiclikercoolgothsweater
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    ellitmotomlintulipsBlameItOnJoeThirstySusRandocoolgothsweaterJimmymesser1000VampireIguanaknot_eye
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Tip: Switch switchblade hilt widths for which width fits a sixth of your Switch Fist grip width. (See fig.6)

    • 127
    • FAVS
    gabemakesmusicBurds_1jinkeeyerpalmildsaucekrakkenlackinth3proudn3rdGalaxyDog420VampireIguana
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    MaxLightssyerpalmildsauceth3proudn3rdGalaxyDog420VampireIguanaknot_eyestunt_birdJMHarenchar
    ElektraLuxxx
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    I put my game down, flip it and reverse it. Then I field dress it by removing the stomach, intestines, and anus, as well as the upper organs

    • 133
    • FAVS
    Burds_1iAmNotNickVoStrangerSongideawhorejinkeespiraleyeholesThirstySusRandocoolgothsweater
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    schloranticsweirdtwitsterideawhoreThirstySusRandocoolgothsweaterfucpkCassySpringerVampireIguana
    SaddestTiger
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Dude sports'd the guy with three in the blanket, if he can maintain a deli flop average over skrunting the punt...
    -What you all sound like.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    Mike_BianchightoastMyndiBolognaLeeptheSneakfjuckingpunmagnatekimjong_thrillhug__thief
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    LeeptheSneakDickkLegsyerpalmildsauceLetdownLizzienakedlaughing__GFGanderLindsamorphousEBJW
  • bizmichael
      Mike Levine @bizmichael

    Kush got me feeling like I picked my favorite jellybean in the dark.

    • 118
    • FAVS
    lamoureux_eJimmymesser1000WuddupBooshVampireIguanaHumor_FetishMaxLightssDukeRaccoonbbbethmccoll
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    VampireIguanaLetdownLizziedenverbellefavstar1000favsemmughtweetlesstorismfrxbrettandersonnn
@bizmichael

@bizmichael

Male Comedienne/Jewess. Merit Badges: Contributor to @TheOnion, @ONN, @GetDevastated, @BustedTees, @heeb, @TheImpersonals